Monday, July 17, 2017

Healing Your Inner Victim

If you have been a victim of some type of abuse or any other kind of serious wrong-doing, then you will no doubt expend a great deal of time and energy [and probably money] in attempting to bring your abuser to justice.  All that energy can be far better served by understanding that whatever happened to you was actually from Hashem, and the abuser was just the tool used to achieve that purpose.

This may be hard to digest - why would Hashem want you, or anyone else, to be abused or treated so badly?

It could be that you have to get over this particular hurdle in order to do a tikkun [correction] for something from a previous life; it may be that only this kind of experience can force you to become the person you are meant to be.

Whatever the reason, we have to realize that Hashem has decreed it this way, and as painful as it may be, it was not an accident or a mistake: this happened to you because it was meant to.

All the energy that you may use in chasing down your abuser should be channelled into your own healing.  The abuser's punishment is not your problem, Hashem will take care of that, you don't need to get involved*.  Revenge is not something we should be focusing on, justice will take its course and Hashem has it all under control.

Accept that whatever happened to you was beshert, don't worry about the person who did it to you, worry about your own well-being and recovery.  

By focusing your energy on yourself, and not the abuser, you will be able to heal much faster.

*Note: [Obviously serious cases of abuse need to be reported to the police and subsequently dealt with in a court of law, but in this blog post I am speaking generally about lesser forms of abuse]


Leah said...

Thank Heaven you put the disclaimer at the bottom. Whew! :)

Devorah said...

Hmmm maybe it should be at the top not the bottom.

Mia Sherwood Landau said...

For 'way too many people, both men and women, recognition of their experience as abuse may take years. The next step is anger which may be followed by forgiveness, or not. But it's not healthy to skip the anger entirely. It is part of healing. Your post is describing what a healed person should do, in my opinion. And it can be years later before a person is ready to take this advice.

Leah said...


Devorah said...

You're absolutely right Mia, very good point, thank you.