Choosing A Spouse

Art Ari Gradus

 

Text by Rabbi Benjy Simons

"Congratulations, Moshe," said the groom's uncle. "I'm sure you'll look back on this day and remember it as the happiest day of your life.'' "But I'm not getting married until tomorrow," replied Moshe. "I know," replied his uncle… 

Choosing a soulmate can be a daunting task, especially with the understanding that it is a life commitment. In our Parsha the Torah mentions that Aharon marries Elisheva which according to Rashi and the Rashbam, was partly based on the stature of his future brother-in-law Nachshon who was the tribal leader of Yehuda. 

This concept of examining a potential match based on the character of her brothers is sourced in the Talmud (Bava Basra 110a), with the rationale that often children can resemble one’s maternal uncles. Therefore, the Gemara concludes, if one would like to gain insight into the potential nature of his children from a prospective wife, he should investigate his future brothers-in-law. While the commentators discuss whether this is based on a genetic link (Maharal) or simply due to a common upbringing, it now becomes clearer how Rivkah had a son like Esav, when she had a brother like Lavan.

While the Talmud (Pesachim 49b, Kiddushin 70a and Yevamos 64b) gives a number of suggestions as what to look for when getting married, narrowing it down to a single quality, the Gemara (Ta’anis 24a) mentions that one should look for a spouse with good eyes. This doesn’t mean that one looks for a spouse that doesn’t wear glasses, but rather as the Kli Yakar explains, a good eye is symbolic of generosity, which indicates an overall positive nature (hence the test of Eliezer when looking for a wife for Yitzchak). 

May we merit to have lots of Shidduchim in our community and the ultimate marriage between the Jewish people and Hashem with the coming of Moshiach. 

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