Sticks and Stones: Insults and How We React To Them

H/t Sara

by Rabbi Eliyahu Safran

“Our Rabbis taught: Those who are insulted ne’elavin but do not insult, hear themselves reviled shomeim cherpasan without responding, act through love and rejoice in suffering, regarding them the verse states: ‘But they who love Him as the sun goes forth in its might’ Judges 5:31

In commenting on this Talmudic passage, my grandfather notes, “Why the double language? Why, “those who are insulted but do not insult” only to repeat (in form and idea) “hear themselves reviled without responding” . 

Aren’t these speaking to the very same people and lesson, they who are insulted but do not respond in kind? 

To address the question, he delved deeply into the psychology of life. He explained that there are times when one is insulted, demeaned and humiliated, and the insulted one remains stone silent; he gives no response at all, not so much as a peep to the one who insulted him. However, his silence, my grandfather notes, does not necessarily suggest that he is generous of spirit, or blessed with the most beautiful human attributes. It could very well be the insult stuns him so that he is rendered silent, left to seethe, to seep and to stew in his anger and silence. 

There are other times when one who is insulted knows only too well how evil the one piling on the insult is, he knows just how despicable the insult is and he feels he simply must respond… and yet, he holds his tongue. He accepts the abuse heaped upon him with silence and grace. This reaction is a sign that the insulted one is of noble character, that he is high up on the ladder of hishtalmut (wholesomeness). 

Thus, when we are first taught about those who “are insulted but do not insult (ha’neelavin ve’einan olvin) we cannot be certain that their non-response comes from a noble place or from a frightened, defeated place. However, those who “hear themselves reviled” (shomeim cherpasam) hear all of the abuse heaped upon them. They know how to respond. Indeed, they are capable of giving back in kind to those who heaped cherpa upon them. Yet, they do not. They einam meishivin – they do not respond. Their non-response, rather than being a sign of weakness is a sign of strength; it is the ultimate indicator of their character. They are the ones who “act through love and rejoice in suffering”! 

It is in praise of those possessing such fine character that the passage goes on, “…they who love Him as the sun goes forth in its might.” Why? Why this verse from Judges with its comparison to the sun? Because the insulted one who does not respond – even with a justifiable reason to respond – is compared to the sun which did not respond to the moon’s complaint and unfounded challenge that “…it is not possible for two kings to rule with one crown (light)”!

Source: OU Torah