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| Art: Mike Worrall |
The Baal Shem Tov said : "The world is a mirror. The defects you see in others are really your own."
That solves one problem: if we see a defect in someone else, we can rest assured that defect exists in us too, otherwise we wouldn't have noticed it.
But what happens when that defect does not exist in you, and therefore you don't notice it in someone else... ? .... until it's too late, and you've fallen into their trap...
That's how simple, naive, innocent people fall for con-artists [and narcissists]. These innocent people don't possess a sneaky or manipulative trait: for them, it would be unthinkable to deceive someone else or use a friend to further their own agenda.... and therefore they do not realize when they are being taken for a ride, being used and manipulated.
They didn't see it, because they don't have that quality themselves.
When the truth finally hits, that they have actually been deceived, they are in a state of shock. It's hard to believe, how could this happen? Sometimes the victim may turn nasty and try to shoot the messenger, but ultimately, once they have given the matter a lot of thought, they should realize that the "messenger" was the one they should be thanking for waking them up and ensuring that they will be on their guard in future relationships.
It's no crime to be innocent and naive, in fact it's a virtue, but these days the world is a very dangerous place, and we need to be on the alert for anyone who's messing with our minds.
Geneivat da'at - Theft of the Mind - is the worst theft of all.
Geneivat da'at is not limited to con-artists..... it's practiced all the time by abusers and manipulators. They do the crime, but they won't admit it, or accept responsibility for it. Instead, they'll blame you, the victim, for everything, and bring attention to your defects in order to take the heat off themselves. They will try to discredit you in every way possible in order to ensure that no-one will listen to a word you're saying.
Be aware that this is how abusers behave, and be on your guard in the future. Get as far away from these people as you can, and don't go back.
That solves one problem: if we see a defect in someone else, we can rest assured that defect exists in us too, otherwise we wouldn't have noticed it.
But what happens when that defect does not exist in you, and therefore you don't notice it in someone else... ? .... until it's too late, and you've fallen into their trap...
That's how simple, naive, innocent people fall for con-artists [and narcissists]. These innocent people don't possess a sneaky or manipulative trait: for them, it would be unthinkable to deceive someone else or use a friend to further their own agenda.... and therefore they do not realize when they are being taken for a ride, being used and manipulated.
They didn't see it, because they don't have that quality themselves.
When the truth finally hits, that they have actually been deceived, they are in a state of shock. It's hard to believe, how could this happen? Sometimes the victim may turn nasty and try to shoot the messenger, but ultimately, once they have given the matter a lot of thought, they should realize that the "messenger" was the one they should be thanking for waking them up and ensuring that they will be on their guard in future relationships.
It's no crime to be innocent and naive, in fact it's a virtue, but these days the world is a very dangerous place, and we need to be on the alert for anyone who's messing with our minds.
Geneivat da'at - Theft of the Mind - is the worst theft of all.
Geneivat da'at is not limited to con-artists..... it's practiced all the time by abusers and manipulators. They do the crime, but they won't admit it, or accept responsibility for it. Instead, they'll blame you, the victim, for everything, and bring attention to your defects in order to take the heat off themselves. They will try to discredit you in every way possible in order to ensure that no-one will listen to a word you're saying.
Be aware that this is how abusers behave, and be on your guard in the future. Get as far away from these people as you can, and don't go back.
Wow. This is exactly what i have experienced and i am still experiencing going thru divorce.
ReplyDeleteWhen I became aware of what I was dealing with , it almost did me in. But Hashem is merciful and has been with me every step. It's been very difficult. Mediation scheduled on July 30, may Hashem help. Avigail
p.s. but he is extremely charming. So nobody sees and they believe his lies and acts, and I have been pretty much isolated in the community. Thank God, I have a couple of friends that have stood by me, otherwise I would be completely alone since I am a convert with no Jewish family and actually very little birth family remaining. I am not young. I just read Myrtle Rising's post about great people in the Tanach who were ostracized ....it gave me encouragement Avigail
ReplyDeleteYes unfortunately some of us have to learn the hard way. And after that, Hashem tests you again just to see if you've learnt your lesson yet.
ReplyDeleteI don't mean with another bad marriage chas v'shalom, I mean just people who come into your life randomly.
Good luck with everything Avigail. Be strong.
Yes extremely charming, but there are two sides and most people only see the side that is good. Eventually everyone sees the truth, but it takes time.
ReplyDeleteStay strong Avigail. B"H, there are some, a few, good things about the internet and one is that we can connect to one another, even from different locations. I worked at a battered women's shelter for several years. I never encountered a single perp who wasn't "charming." Usually they don't present themselves as abusers, otherwise you would know to run in the other direction (possibly). You can reach out to me anytime you need to.
ReplyDeleteNice shiur from Levy Shor @ Sweet and Good Torah, about the star we are awaiting. Stay strong Avigail - we are close!
ReplyDeletehttps://youtu.be/J_zpYB948CI?si=RiQxPL_tCwImoGy8
Rivkah H: yes he's saying 25 Elul this year, the 25th day of the sixth month, that is the date we await every year for the Kochav Yaakov, and this year it looks promising, as Rabbi Palvanov pointed out some time ago in his shiur about the Star.
ReplyDeleteWe wait and we wait and we hope and pray that this event is the Kochav Yaakov. We don't know for sure, but the dates are aligning.
Thank you ladies, very much, for you words of support. There is power in words. Thank you for your good words. I have been on a search for months, almost panicked, but searching for healing from the incredibly negative affects of the situation. Tonight, amazingly, I feel a calmness, a peace, I havent felt in about 10 months. I cant help but think that your positive thoughts and words are part of the peace i am feeling. Hashem is so kind. And it is very exciting that maybe this is the year finally, for Mashiach!
ReplyDeleteI forgot to sign but last note of gratitude was from me, Avigail. I have been reading Shirat Devorah for a long time. Its been a great source of strength and learning. Thank you Devorah. May those of us who have been a support in each others life, Devorah, Rivka H, Gabriela Dvorah, even from afar, recognize each other in the time of geula. Then I can give you a hug.
ReplyDeleteAbigail I know how you are feeling because I went thru the same thing including having the community turn on me. but let me also tell you that many years later about six peop;le came and apologized to me, one of those was his attorney.
ReplyDelete