Transcribed from Tik Tok User Inspiring Moments
The moment a person realizes you will tolerate their disrespect,
the way they treat you changes forever.
And I need you to understand this clearly:
People don't keep hurting you because they don't know it hurts
They keep hurting you because they know you'll stay anyway.
Your forgiveness becomes their permission to break you again.
You think by being patient, understanding and giving second chances,
they will eventually see your worth and change....
But that is not how human psychology works.
When you accept bad behaviour.....
you teach them how to negotiate your value down.
They stop valuing your presence
because there are zero consequences
for ignoring your boundaries, or stepping out on you.
If someone breaks your trust, or disrespects you,
explaining your pain 50 times will never change their heart.
The only language a disrespected heart needs to speak is quiet, immediate and permanent removal of your access.
Never let your loyalty turn into self-betrayal.
The moment a person realizes you will tolerate their disrespect, the way they treat you changes forever.
And I need you to understand this clearly.
Okay...
ReplyDeleteWhat is the Torah view on the above ?
ReplyDeleteAnyone explain, how Judaism sees this...?
If you know the term "Shalom Bayit" then you know how Judaism sees this.
Deletehttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9ObQor4e0sA&ra=m
DeleteRabbi Mendel Kessins recent shiur/ includes current events. This shiur is awesome!
See Rabbi Twerski's book "The Shame Borne in Silence"
ReplyDeletehttps://www.amazon.com.au/Shame-Borne-Silence-Spouse-Community/dp/0964850818
I see it's selling for $225 new, that is ridiculous. Find a cheaper copy.
DeleteBuy second hand. Search for it.
Here
Deletehttps://www.urimpublications.com/the-shame-borne-in-silence-spouse-abuse-in-the-jewish-community.html
But the same advice applies to any form of abuse, whether it's your spouse or a relative or a "friend" who is not really a friend at all.
DeleteI also recommend Rabbi twerski book because it helped me greatly and enable me to leave abusive marriage.
ReplyDeleteJust Another Mother
“Don’t apologize for protecting your peace—God never called you to be anyone’s emotional punching bag.” – Priscilla Shirer
ReplyDeleteTo answer the question about the Jewish view, this is where things get sticky and result in tragedy. Aside from Rav Twersky and a few others, most rabbonim will tell you that this is your tikkun. Everything comes from Shamayim and is here to correct some flaw in your neshama, or ruach, or nefesh. So they encourage you to stay, or not reject your "friend." I argue vigorously against this, but if you're a part of "Charedi" society you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about.
ReplyDeleteIt's a disgrace, these rabbis think they are doing the right thing, but imagine the child watching their mother being abused by their father.... or even the father being abused by the mother.... they are traumatised. There was one rabbi here who told a wife that she had "made her bed and now she had to lie in it".... meanwhile the husband was a big donor to the synagogue so the rabbi had to keep him happy. These are the kind of rabbis who impede the redemption and do untold damage to people. They have no understanding or empathy at all.
DeleteIn Australia, everything changed when domestic violence and child abuse was made a public issue and everyone was educated, especially some rabbis who had to attend a Royal Commission and answer questions. They woke up pretty quickly after that.
But that doesn't happen in other countries.
As for the tikkun... the "tikkun" lasts as long as the abused person is prepared to put up with it. Once they leave the situation, there is another tikkun, an even more important tikkun which is taking place.... and that is the reclamation of that person's dignity and peace and the safety and peace of the children involved.
DeleteThey used to have posters up here in all the Police stations which said "Domestic Violence: Break the Cycle". But even now, hundreds of women are murdered by their husbands in Australia. Thousands more are beaten and abused.
It wasn't just the rabbis, it was the leaders of all religions who were summoned to answer questions, and it was televised to the general public, so it was public humiliation for all concerned. Everything changed after that. It was quite a few years ago, but it educated all of them in a way they had never experienced before.
DeleteThis below might help some Jewish women. For that matter women in any religion. Good advice and help.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe7MjHMOOWY
The Torah does not require a person to live in an abusive environment. As a matter of fact it requires a person to leave that abusive environment for it requires a person who is in a dangerous place - physically or spiritually - to leave or if a person perceives a place to be either physically or spiritually dangerous he is required to avoid such a place. Rfael Yaakov
ReplyDelete