Transcribed from Tik Tok User Inspiring Moments
The moment a person realizes you will tolerate their disrespect,
the way they treat you changes forever.
And I need you to understand this clearly:
People don't keep hurting you because they don't know it hurts
They keep hurting you because they know you'll stay anyway.
Your forgiveness becomes their permission to break you again.
You think by being patient, understanding and giving second chances,
they will eventually see your worth and change....
But that is not how human psychology works.
When you accept bad behaviour.....
you teach them how to negotiate your value down.
They stop valuing your presence
because there are zero consequences
for ignoring your boundaries, or stepping out on you.
If someone breaks your trust, or disrespects you,
explaining your pain 50 times will never change their heart.
The only language a disrespected heart needs to speak is quiet, immediate and permanent removal of your access.
Never let your loyalty turn into self-betrayal.
The moment a person realizes you will tolerate their disrespect, the way they treat you changes forever.
And I need you to understand this clearly.
Okay...
ReplyDeleteWhat is the Torah view on the above ?
ReplyDeleteAnyone explain, how Judaism sees this...?
If you know the term "Shalom Bayit" then you know how Judaism sees this.
Deletehttps://m.youtube.com/watch?v=9ObQor4e0sA&ra=m
DeleteRabbi Mendel Kessins recent shiur/ includes current events. This shiur is awesome!
@ 1:03:30 at the above Rabbi Kessin shiur, he talks about the three Moshiachs.
Deleteand he goes on to speak about Trump.
DeleteSee Rabbi Twerski's book "The Shame Borne in Silence"
ReplyDeletehttps://www.amazon.com.au/Shame-Borne-Silence-Spouse-Community/dp/0964850818
I see it's selling for $225 new, that is ridiculous. Find a cheaper copy.
DeleteBuy second hand. Search for it.
Here
Deletehttps://www.urimpublications.com/the-shame-borne-in-silence-spouse-abuse-in-the-jewish-community.html
But the same advice applies to any form of abuse, whether it's your spouse or a relative or a "friend" who is not really a friend at all.
DeleteI also recommend Rabbi twerski book because it helped me greatly and enable me to leave abusive marriage.
ReplyDeleteJust Another Mother
“Don’t apologize for protecting your peace—God never called you to be anyone’s emotional punching bag.” – Priscilla Shirer
ReplyDeleteTo answer the question about the Jewish view, this is where things get sticky and result in tragedy. Aside from Rav Twersky and a few others, most rabbonim will tell you that this is your tikkun. Everything comes from Shamayim and is here to correct some flaw in your neshama, or ruach, or nefesh. So they encourage you to stay, or not reject your "friend." I argue vigorously against this, but if you're a part of "Charedi" society you'll understand exactly what I'm talking about.
ReplyDeleteIt's a disgrace, these rabbis think they are doing the right thing, but imagine the child watching their mother being abused by their father.... or even the father being abused by the mother.... they are traumatised. There was one rabbi here who told a wife that she had "made her bed and now she had to lie in it".... meanwhile the husband was a big donor to the synagogue so the rabbi had to keep him happy. These are the kind of rabbis who impede the redemption and do untold damage to people. They have no understanding or empathy at all.
DeleteIn Australia, everything changed when domestic violence and child abuse was made a public issue and everyone was educated, especially some rabbis who had to attend a Royal Commission and answer questions. They woke up pretty quickly after that.
But that doesn't happen in other countries.
As for the tikkun... the "tikkun" lasts as long as the abused person is prepared to put up with it. Once they leave the situation, there is another tikkun, an even more important tikkun which is taking place.... and that is the reclamation of that person's dignity and peace and the safety and peace of the children involved.
DeleteThey used to have posters up here in all the Police stations which said "Domestic Violence: Break the Cycle". But even now, hundreds of women are murdered by their husbands in Australia. Thousands more are beaten and abused.
It wasn't just the rabbis, it was the leaders of all religions who were summoned to answer questions, and it was televised to the general public, so it was public humiliation for all concerned. Everything changed after that. It was quite a few years ago, but it educated all of them in a way they had never experienced before.
DeleteThis below might help some Jewish women. For that matter women in any religion. Good advice and help.
ReplyDeletehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe7MjHMOOWY
The Torah does not require a person to live in an abusive environment. As a matter of fact it requires a person to leave that abusive environment for it requires a person who is in a dangerous place - physically or spiritually - to leave or if a person perceives a place to be either physically or spiritually dangerous he is required to avoid such a place. Rfael Yaakov
ReplyDeleteI feel like this is a difficult boundary to negotiate.
ReplyDeleteObviously not outright abuse ect.....if a person is experiencing physical abuse or severe emotional abuse that's a no brainer!! Get out of the abusive situation ASAP and any Rabbi that says otherwise isn't a real Rabbi.
But the more subtle issues and situations When we encounter another individual and they don't behave nice or they say something unpleasant ect. How do we deal with that? Because we are taught that everyone is a shliach from Hashem and that when someone does something to you its really Hashem and not that person and they are coming to teach you a lesson usually in character refinement and putting that person in their place sort of defeats the purpose of why they were sent and the situation Hashem placed you in. That's where it gets iffy for me. How much of this encounter is me being tested and accepting Hashem 's will and the lesson I'm meant to be learning and how much is me also knowing healthy boundaries.
I think it may come down to walking away from a situation and not turning it into something ugly and working on your own feelings and letting anger and pride go while still maintaining a healthy boundary in a peaceful non combative sort of way. It sometimes feels like dancing on a tightwire.
CSF
There isn't a "one size fits all answer." Outright abuse should never be accepted. However, just because a person loses their temper or says something embarrassing, it doesn't mean that they are a person who must be avoided. Is the person usually caring but lost control and after they calm down realizes they were wrong? Is this a person who means well but never learned or understood what tact is? People can slip up and make mistakes that are hurtful. But what is their track record? Are they always self centered, controlling and manipulative or was this a moment of weakness and failure. that doesn't occur so often?
DeleteEsther
Agreed… sometimes it’s best left alone and walk away… if the other person is open to growth or not… silence sometimes speaks louder than words. Do I have that down pat??? Nope… trying to work on it daily
DeleteJust want to put my 2 cents in. Yes, everything that happens is part of our needed tikkun (fixing). However, that tikkun might actually require gathering the strength to leave and stand up for oneself. That's also tikkun
ReplyDeleteWhen people oppose you, don’t become like them.
ReplyDeleteRebbe Nachman teaches:
Be like the earth.
People step on it, yet it continues to give life and goodness. Don’t repay negativity with negativity.
Keep doing good.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.
But humility does not mean accepting abuse, mistreatment, or having no boundaries. You can protect yourself, walk away, and say “no” without hatred or revenge.
A soft heart can still have strong boundaries
- Likutei Moharan 277:1
❤️❤️
ReplyDelete