Words That Hurt

Onaas Devarim – Words that Hurt

by Rabbi Chaim Morgenstern

It is unimaginable for any G-d fearing Jew to earn a living by cheating (onaas mamom). However in our daily lives, we may be transgressing a more severe prohibition than cheating – onaas devarim. Chazal say that onaas devarim is more severe than onaas mammon because a) a person feels more distressed when his feelings are hurt and b) money earned dishonestly can be returned whereas hurt feelings cannot be undone [Bava Metzia 58b].

When we speak about prohibited speech, the first thing that comes to our minds is lashon hara. Although many of us are aware of the severity of speaking lashon hara, there seems to be a lack of awareness of both the scope and severity of the prohibition of onaas devarim.

General Principles

The Torah commands us "Lo sonu ish es amiso," – do not aggrieve one another [Vayikra 25:17]. Rashi explains this to be a prohibition against causing pain or anguish to another with words, hence the term "onaas devarim." Nevertheless, this issur is not limited to words, hurting another’s feelings in writing or with a gesture is also included in this prohibition [Chafetz Chaim,Chovas Hashemira ; Shulchan Aruch Hagra"z, Hilchos Ona’a] There is a famous homiletic saying on the passuk, "Ki ve’apam hargu ish," [literally, "in their anger they killed a person", Bereishis 49:6] with a mere "twist of the nose (af)," one can kill a person.

One does not have to give another person "a devastating blow" to transgress the prohibition of onaas devarim. The Chazon Ish writes that onaas devarim applies even if the other’s feelings were only momentarily hurt [Letters, Vol. 1 #211]. For example, if a person was distracted immediately after being hurt and does not feel the discomfort or emotional pain anymore. This applies especially with children, who may be easily distracted and then forget their previous distress.

The prohibition applies even when no one else is present, and applies even in the privacy of your home between husband and wife or parents and children [Shaarei TeShuva 3:214, Chafetz Chaim, P’Sicha, Prohibition # 13].

Embarrassing another or hurting another’s feelings in the presence of two other people is a more severe aveira, as it also includes the prohibition of malbin pnei chaveiro be’rabim, shaming another person in public.

Continue at Daf Yomi Review

“One who is careful not to hurt other people, all the blessings mentioned in the Torah will befall him and he will enjoy a pleasurable life in This World and the Next.” [see Letter from Rav Shteinman ]

Significant Deeds

Based on Sichas Shabbos Vayakhel-Pekudei 5748 - Lubavitcher Rebbe


G-d said to Moshe: "Go down, for your people that you have brought up from the land of Egypt have become corrupt."  [Ki Tisa 32:7]

Only "three thousand men" [Ki Tisa 32:28] were actively involved in the sin of the golden calf, which was a comparatively small percentage of the Jewish population of a few million.

Nevertheless, G-d told Moshe to "go down", on which Rashi comments: "Descend from your high position. I gave you this high position only for their sake."

From this we see that a comparatively small number of Jewish people were of great significance, to the extent that they affected Moshe himself, who was not even present.

From the negative, we can also learn the positive: how significant the good deeds of even a small number of people can be for the entire Jewish population.

Who Is a True Convert?

The Numbers Add Up

אֵלֶּה פְקוּדֵי הַמִּשְׁכָּן מִשְׁכַּן הָעֵדֻת

"These are the numbers of the Mishkan, the Mishkan of the Testimony...." [Pekudei 38:21]

Rabbeinu Bechaya points out that the numerical value of the words "HaMishkan"  הַמִּשְׁכָּן and "Ha'eidus"  הָעֵדֻת correspond to the total number of years that the first Beis HaMikdash, second Beis HaMikdash and Mishkan stood.

The numerical value of Mishkan is 410, alluding to the 410 years that the first Beis HaMikdash stood.

The numerical value of the word HaMishkan  (415) plus the five letters that are used to spell it, equals 420.  This alludes to the second Beis HaMikdash which stood for 420 years.

The numerical value of Ha'eidus is 479. This alludes to the Mishkan Ha'eidus which stood for 479 years.

In Maseches Yoma [21b] Chazal enumerate five items that were present in the first Beis HaMikdash but were lacking in the second:

1) The Aron Ha'eidus (the Ark)

2) The Ner Tamid (the Lamp that burned continuously)

3) The Divine Presence

4) Divine Inspiration

5) The ability to inquire of the Urim v'Tumim

This statement of Chazal, said the Chasam Sofer, is alluded to in the verse אֵלֶּה פְקוּדֵי הַמִּשְׁכָּן מִשְׁכַּן הָעֵדֻת  The word "haMishkan", containing a hei (numerical value 5) at the beginning, alludes to the first Beis HaMikdash which possessed these five attributes. The word "Mishkan" however, alludes to the second Beis HaMikdash which lacked these five items.

Source: Rabbi Yisrael Bronstein

''Netanyahu Made One Mistake''

Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s speech before a joint session of Congress on Tuesday March 3, was powerful and enthusiastically received. It exemplified leadership in a way that Americans have not seen for years. The elected leadership of the US conspicuously displayed their awesome delight from the speech; somehow it restored their own dignity and faith in the role of America today. As a result of the Jewish Prime Minister of a tiny country speaking his mind with unwavering resolve, moral clarity and historical dignity, all those present in the gallery felt better about themselves and their own duties in a confused and bloody world.

Continue at :    Netanyahu Made One Mistake

Purim Sameach

For Haman the son of Hamdata the Agagite, the enemy of all the Jews, had schemed against the Jews to destroy them, and had cast a pur-- that is, the lot -- to consume them, and to destroy them... Therefore they called these days "Purim" after the pur...   Esther 9:24-26  Read more

Purim is the holiest day on the Jewish calender, even holier than Yom Kippur

For everything you need to know about Purim customs click here



Chassidishe Penguin


''Happy'' Purim


28 minutes of non-stop Purim music


The Maccabeats Purim Song

Netanyahu's Speech to Congress [Full Video]

Purim, Obama, Iran and Anti-Semitism

Some interesting lectures from Rabbi Y. Y. Jacobson

Should Netanyahu Address Congress? Purim, Obama, Iran, and Anti-Semitism
[the sound is not great, but it is listenable]

Achashverosh and Haman in Therapy: The Psychological Brilliance of Esther 
Reading the Megilah from a Psychological Perspective