Recognizing Abuse

by Rabbi Michoel Gourarie

Mirror Theory

We can all think of a few people that we would describe as being 'impossible'. These are individuals who push the wrong buttons, irritate us to no end and annoy us whenever we talk to them. These are the people that we find arrogant, critical, and negative or possess some other character deficit. How do we handle impossible people?

The interesting thing is that we don't all find the same people hard to take. The guy that annoys me doesn't bother my wife and the neighbor that she dreads talking to I can communicate with easily. Why do these difficult people clash with some but not with others?

The Baal Shem Tov explained this with the "mirror theory". He taught that when we look at others we are looking at a mirror. When we observe and analyze the behavior of other people we actually discover ourselves in them. The profile we create for others is shaped by our own personality.

None of us are perfect. We all have our deficiencies and areas of personality that are underdeveloped and need work. But we are often unaware of these deficits. Self love often causes us to be in denial, preventing us from resolving and correcting these weaknesses.

When we observe character defects in other people and criticize them, it is really the undeveloped parts of our personality that are showing up. We are only so irritated by these blemishes because the very same issues are unresolved within ourselves. My spouse might not have the same area of weakness, and therefore does not notice it in others.

When we see faults in others it can be used as an opportunity for self reflection. If we think someone is arrogant we can examine our own egos. If we describe someone as being unkind we can examine our level of kindness, compassion and empathy. If our friend's judgmental nature bothers us we should think about how we view other people.

We should always endeavor to look at people in a positive light. But when it becomes difficult, it is an opportunity to look inwards.

Art: Jack Vettriano

What about Abuse?

Is the "mirror theory" always true? For example, what about a woman who stands up to her husband who is abusing her physically or emotionally. Does it mean that because she has identified the abuse, there is something wrong with her? Does it mean that she has an abusive side to her?

Answer:

Thank you for asking this important question, allowing me to clarify the concept that I was sharing.

Inappropriate control, physical or emotional abuse is inexcusable. No one should ever have to be controlled or be the subject of any form of abuse. One of the most important aspects of a person is their dignity. In Halachic sources, we discover that there are instances where certain laws are suspended to preserve the dignity of the human being. The Talmud says that embarrassing or humiliating someone, particularly in public, is comparable to murder.

Victims of any form of abuse should never blame themselves in any way. Being the recipient of abuse is not a reflection of an abusive personality within the victim. A chronic controller or abuser is unwell, and identifying a sickness of another does not mean I myself am sick.

The mirror theory I shared with you is very different. What I was referring to was noticing deficiencies and weaknesses of other people that fall within the normal realm of human function. These deficiencies do not really affect or compromise us. They just seem to annoy and bother us even though other people do not appear to be affected.

It is these "blemishes" that we notice or highlight in others, which are really a mirror image of our own. It is these weaknesses that our sages refer to when they say that we should judge others favourably and focus on fixing ourselves first.

Transparency

"It was the season when the first grapes ripen..." [Shelach 13:20 ]

Moses did not command the spies to bring back grapes in particular, but just "fruit", and we find that they brought back various fruits - grapes, pomegranates and figs [v.23]

So why does the Torah stress that "It was the season when the first grapes ripen" and not simply, the time when fruit was ripening?

The process of spying out the Land to conquer it represents our daily mission of evaluating how to advance the "conquering" of this physical world for G-d, through the most effective use of time and resources for Torah.  Verse 20 concludes that the goal of this process is represented by grapes: grapes are unique in that their seeds are visible through their skins, and this teaches us that the goal of our observance is to make the physical "skin" of this world transparent to its higher, spiritual purpose.

Source: Based on Sicha of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Shabbos Parshas Shelach 5750

Questions about Moshiach and the Geula

Author: SG

1. If the Geula and Moshiach are here, why is everything getting worse?

Moshiach is not synonymous with the Geula; rather, Moshiach brings the Geula to completion.

Moshiach is here, but the full Geula is not here; because there are many stages to the Geula. It is a process that develops over time.

The temporary bad is for the ultimate, eternal good.

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The Geula process started in 1991, when we entered the stage of Yomos HaMoshiach [the days of Moshiach].

The stage we are in now is still a hidden stage, which contributes to still having free-choice. 

Free-choice increases, as the darkness gets greater.
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Things happening now are counter-intuitive.

One would think that things should get progressively better as we get closer to the Geula, and then Moshiach and Hashem are revealed. But that is not how the Geula comes.... Just the opposite occurs; things get progressively worse... [although some things do get better].

“There are no atheists in a foxhole.”   When things are good, human nature is to forget about G-d; but when the chips are down, people then scream out to G-d, to help them.

Also, the soul has many levels: Pressure squeezes out the deeper levels, allowing us to access them.

G-d wants things to happen in a natural manner, seemingly happening by themselves.... although gigantic miracles will take place along the way - the greatest miracles that mankind has ever seen.

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2. Why do things get worse?

Because the level of Hashem that is being revealed now in the world, was never able to be revealed before. It is totally different to anything that has happened in the past. 

This is the level of Etzem, that totally transcends all other levels of revelation in the past; including all the miracles and revelations to Tzadikim and the prophets.

Etzem - by definition - is hidden. But as it, and we, sink lower into the creation, Etzem then openly comes into revelation.

Etzem is not found in the upper spiritual worlds, where angels and Gan Eden are found; because only a ray of G-d is revealed there. But specfically in this physical world, is the Etzem of G-d to be found and revealed.

This is why, at the time of Techias Hamasim [revival of the dead] both the body and soul will become alive. Since the body's source is higher than the soul.

Also, the Lubavitcher Rebbe quoted the Yilkat Shmonei Midrash many times; but the Yilkat says that the whole world is scared, and Moshiach comes but does not stop the war  -  he just says, don’t be scared!

None of the sources that talk about the Geula [including the Gemorrah] say that good things happen. But the Rebbe said that we should realize that the negative occurrences are a positive sign of the imminent Geula.

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3. What are the stages of Geula?

First there is Galus, then Yomos HaMoshiach [the end stage, being the open Geula], then Techias Hamasim, with each stage having many ascending levels.

Galus: the period before 1991.

This period is compared to the time of pregnancy:  A pregnant woman carries on with her life as before; but inside, on a hidden level, the baby is continually growing. The baby is compared to Moshiach; and the woman’s body is compared to the creation.

A pregnant woman’s body continually changes, in preparation for the birth; so too, the world has been continually changing [being refined] in order to get ready for the birth- the revelation of Moshiach; who then brings the Geula.

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4. What is Geula [redemption]?

Geula comes from the word Gelui – to reveal.

Geula is considered as Labor: the process through which the baby is born [revealed].

The baby [Moshiach] is now fully grown [only hidden]; labor’s purpose is to push the baby out - birth.

The end goal, [after Techias Hamasim] is when the highest level of Hashem, called Etzem, is revealed permanently, in the entire creation.

There are many stages in between.

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Moshiach will be openly guiding world events.

Moshiach's greatness and wisdom at this time will be even greater than in the time of King Solomon. King Solomon’s wisdom was respected worldwide, and many leaders and people came to learn from his greatness and knowledge.

The Jews, through the Torah, will be followed worldwide; when the Creator – G-d - reveals Himself worldwide; and all people will realize that He runs the world..... And that the way to survive and exist, is to follow His will, as revealed in the Torah, and Jewish Halacha [ways of conduct].  

Jews will then only be occupied with growing closer to G-d; through understanding the deeper levels of Torah that will be revealed at that time.

There will no longer be competition between people for: power, money, honor, etc. It will be a time of eternal peace and no war.

Physicality will directly connect to its source, so food and other things will be plentiful.

[In our current existence, the flow of life from G-d to the world has to first pass though many filters in order to come down into the world, but in the future, these filters will be removed, and everything will grow exponentially faster and larger in size.  So there will be no need for war, since everyone will have everything that they need.]

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All levels of the creation will be elevated:

Inanimate and plant life will begin to communicate with humans.

All animals will become herbivorous (eat only plants) i.e. "the wolf will lie with the lamb” - not because the wolf will control his instinct to eat the lamb, but rather, his instincts will be transformed, and he will not want meat anymore.  

Mankind will all serve G-d together.

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5.  What is Etzem?

Etzem is a level of G-d that is the source of everything, therefore, it includes everything. Here, there are no contradictions, or paradoxes, everything is unified.

Since Etzem is the source of everything, it is higher than all things, and can therefore unite them.  

Etzem unites two paradoxes, two opposites: the body and the soul, the physical and spiritual worlds, finite and infinite, etc.

Previously only Geluim were revealed into the world, but now Etzem is being revealed.  Geluim are things that we can relate to, as limited human beings: miracles, the Shechina, holiness, etc.

The problem is, in order for us to be able to handle these revelations, they had to be brought down to our level; otherwise, the creation would not be able to contain these revelations and they would disappear.  [This happened at Mount Sinai: when the Jews heard the first two commandments directly from G-d, their souls flew out of their bodies.The next eight commandments had to be told to them through Moshe, who could handle these great revelations.  So too now, regarding Moshiach.]

But now, after thousands of years of refinement, the world is now ready to receive the greatest revelation of all - Etzem.

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6. What is the delay?

Period of refinement.

The initial refinement is over, this was needed to bring the Geula; but now there is a different refinement/ preparation needed, to reveal the highest level of Hashem totally into the world: Etzem.

Moshiach has to come willingly, not by force.
Kings in the past were more like dictators - their every desire, and whim, had to be fulfilled.

But Moshiach is the polar opposite, he is a public servant. He has no other desires than to do G-d’s will, in order to guide all mankind to fulfillment.

Everyone on the planet now, has to be able to understand this, with their physical intellect, and then to want this to occur, realizing that this will be the best thing for all mankind. [The world will have changed enough in the meantime for this to occur.]

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7. Why did the Lubavitcher Rebbe say that the Geula is here, and we just have to open our eyes? Also, that all the Avodah [G-dly service] needed to bring the Geula, has been done?

Even though the process of Geula has started, we still have to view world events in the light of Moshiach - “to open our eyes” - since the Geula is still hidden from our eyes.

The Avodah needed to bring the Geula has been done, but now we have to reveal this hidden light into the open.

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8. What should I do to bring the Geula faster?

1. Chitas - learn selected portions of the day in: Chumash [Moshe], Tanya [Alter Rebbe], and Tehillim [King David].  Not in order to learn, but rather, in order to bring the Geula. 

2. Learn Rambam: one or three chapters a day. This is the summation of Halacha [Jewish law- G-ds will]. By finishing the total fourteen volumes, we then have brought G-d’s Will into the world.

3. Learn about the Geula.

4. Learn Chassidus 

5. Learn Torah - and do Hiddur Mitzvahs [do Mitzvahs in the most exceptional manner possible in an expansive, beautiful manner; and be exacting, and have Kavana [doing them with the brain and heart - understanding and feeling].

6. All non-Jews should learn about the “Seven Mitzvos of Bnei Noach .” And do them because this is as G-d commanded Moses at Mount Sinai.

7. Live a Moshiach life.

8. Give a lot of charity.

Etc…..

Komarna Rebbes

Komarno is near the city of Lviv



Source: Yitzchak Yaakov Rosenbaum HaLevi - as heard from the Komarno Rebbe Eliezer Tzvi Safrin shlita

[Interestingly, all of the previous Komarna Rebbes passed away during the time of the Omer]
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After the collapse of communism in 1990, the chassidim of the Komarna dynasty travelled to search for the graves of their Rebbes which had been destroyed by the Nazis.

They arrived in Komarno [Ukraine] and asked many people where they could locate the part of town where the Jews had lived. Here they found an old farmer and questioned him regarding the whereabouts of any Jewish graves.

The farmer had no idea, he couldn't help them at all.... but the chassidim continued to question him and ask him if he could think of anything that could help them....... suddenly the farmer remembered that there is a certain paddock, about a mile from the town of Komarno, where they take the cows and sheep to graze. The animals would always stop at a certain point and refuse to go any further. They would only eat the grass on one side of the paddock.

Ohel of Komarna Rebbes

The farmer took the chassidim to the paddock and showed them the area that the cattle refused to graze in. The chassidim began to gently dig at the grass and discovered the graves of their Rebbes. Although the headstones had been destroyed by the Nazis, the graves were lying untouched beneath the grass.



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A visitor to the ohel reported a newly-lit candle burning in the corner. He wondered who had been there and left it - he went outside and asked the children playing there who it was who had just visited and left the candle. The children said that no-one had been there at all, and that he was the first visitor that day.
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Pirkei Avot [ch.2] states: "Weigh the loss from a mitzvah against its reward." This is an admonition to the leaders of the community, said Komarno Rebbe Eliezer Zvi Safrin [1830-1898] zatz'l, that they should be willing to sacrifice their personal spiritual gain in order to raise the level of others. Even if a person must interrupt his own learning or growth in order to engage in kiruv (bringing others closer), this loss is insignificant compared to the rewards.

Rav Safrin -- known as the "Sar Bet Hazohar" [Master of the Zohar]: Regarding this the Zohar [II:128b] says that if one helps another overcome his yetzer hara, it is as if he has created a new person. Moreover, there is no greater honor to Hashem than this, the Zohar says. If one holds the hand of a rasha and tries to lead the rasha on a new path, he accomplishes three things: he helps to crush the yetzer hara, he brings honor to G-d, and he causes the world to endure. Such a person will merit to see children and grandchildren, and about him it says "Mighty in the land will his offspring be, a generation of the upright who shall be blessed." [Zekan Beto]

Real Love

 

from the writings of the Ben Ish Chai

Real love is reciprocated: "As in water, face reflects face, so is the heart of man to man" [Proverbs 27:19]. Reflections in water are an apt metaphor for the reciprocity of feelings.

The Hebrew word for "water" - mayim - is a reflection of itself: it is the same read forwards or backwards.

Love is reciprocated, though, only if it as strong as the love of father for son, brother for brother, or husband for wife. Weak love might not be returned.

"Love your neighbour like yourself" - love him so strongly that he will naturally reciprocate with love like you have for him.

Grass

The world we live in came with an instruction manual: the Torah.   If we don't follow the instructions, we can't expect it to work properly.

It clearly states in the Shema prayer :

 וְנָתַתִּי עֵשֶׂב בְּשָׂדְךָ לִבְהֶמְתֶּךָ וְאָכַלְתָּ וְשָׂבָעְתָּ

And I will give grass in your fields for your cattle and you will eat and you will be satisfied

Cattle should be in the fields, eating grass. But these days we have "industrial animal agriculture" which basically means thousands of animals are kept in tiny pens where they can stick their heads out and eat the cheapest kind of food available, laced with antibiotics to kill the diseases they carry due to their living conditions.  Confined industrial animal agriculture of livestock and poultry are commonly referred to as factory farming and are criticised by opponents for the low level of animal welfare standards and associated pollution and health issues.

Remember the Mad Cow Disease? It's real name is Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy - [BSE].  Several years ago, Dr. Bram Lazarus a"h observed that if the letters BSE are written in Hebrew  -עשׂב - it is the reverse of the word  עֵשֶׂב - grass.

[A British inquiry into BSE concluded that it was caused by cattle, who are normally herbivores, being fed the remains of other cattle in the form of meat and bone meal]

Now we have the E-Coli problem, a result of the fertilization of vegetables with the infected waste matter of cattle locked up in animal factories, instead of being out in the fields eating grass, as G-d intended. 

Maybe one day the world will understand that we need to follow the original instructions.

E-Coli - don't blame the cucumbers

by Mike Adams

Want to know where this e.coli really came from? The abuse of antibiotics in factory animal farms.

The mainstream media is predictably pretending it has no idea where this new strain came from. They're all scratching their heads and just focusing on the "killer cucumbers" which is of course a particularly lame bit of disinfo.

Factory animal farm operations, you see, raise cattle, pigs and chickens in such atrociously bad and dirty conditions that they have to pump them full of antibiotics just to avoid the rapid spread of infection. This constant dosing with antibiotics creates the perfect breeding ground for superbugs in the guts of these animals.

Then, these animals defecate and drop billions of e.coli bacteria with their stools which are then collected and used as crop fertilizers. So the crops are actually grown in this stuff that's contaminated with animal fecal matter containing antibiotics-induced superbugs.

How to protect yourself from e.coli

On the practical side, what can you do to protect yourself from e.coli contamination of vegetables? There are FOUR simple things you can do:

1) EAT LOCAL. Grow your own food and / or buy from local farmers' markets.

2) WASH YOUR VEGGIES. If you wash them well, even e.coli won't be a problem. The e.coli is only present in those veggies that aren't adequately washed.

3) TAKE PROBIOTICS. The more "friendly" bacteria you have in your gut, the less space there is for toxic e.coli to take hold. The secret truth about these infections -- that you're not being told -- is that virtually everyone infected with toxic e.coli is someone with compromised digestive flora. Taking probiotics gives you a buffer against invading nasties.

4) AVOID ANTIBIOTICS. Most antibiotics are prescribed to humans by clueless doctors who prescribe them for things like viral infections and asthma, none of which are treated in the least by antibiotics.

Original and full article at My Healthy Town Forum - Also see Natural News

A Collective Responsibility

"A man or woman who commits any of man's sins.... they shall confess their sin.... he shall make restitution for his guilt."   [Naso 5:6,7]

One erev Yom Kippur, R' Moshe Chagiz delivered a derashah in which he said "In Parshas Naso it states: "A man or woman... they shall confess... he shall make restitution for his guilt". The verse begins in the singular, switches to the plural, and then concludes by reverting to the singular. This is to teach us that all Jews form one nation and we are all responsible for one another.

"They shall confess" - on Yom Kippur, an individual is not only required to confess his own sins, but even the sins of his fellow Jew.

To what can this be compared? To a group of individuals who set sail together on a large and magnificent ship. Each one of the passengers received his own quarters for the duration of the trip.

When they had reached the very heart of the sea, one of the passengers began to drill a hole in the wall of the ship.

"What are you doing?" yelled his friends. "You are going to sink the ship!"

"Why is this any concern of yours?" he asked them. "I am making a hole in my quarters, not yours."

"All Jews are responsible for one another" concluded R' Chagiz. "If one Jew sins, the entire Jewish nation is held accountable."

"It is incumbent upon every Jew to keep this great responsibility in mind."

[written by Rabbi Yisrael Bronstein]

If you can understand the above words, you should also be able to understand the entire Torah, which can be summed up in these words from Hillel: "What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor: that is the whole Torah while the rest is commentary".

It sounds so simple, and yet so many have so much trouble with it. It seems to be the hardest thing of all for so many Jews.

If you call yourself a "Torah-observant Jew", but you still treat others badly, then I would like to suggest to you that you are not what you claim to be. What is the point of doing all the mitzvos if you cannot even achieve the basic criteria for a "Torah Observant Jew" ?

One of the first questions we are asked upon death is "were you honest in business" - and the answer to that question can tell us a great deal about how we treated others. If you knowingly cheated someone, overcharged him or short-changed him, you are treating him with the utmost disrespect. You are harming him financially, you have lied to him, you have deceived him. You have behaved in a manner totally contrary to Torah - because it can only be assumed that you would not treat yourself that way, and yet you find it okay to do so to others. If you sincerely did not do to others what is hateful to you, you would never even consider cheating in business affairs.