How Evil People are Handled by God

Latest Rabbi Kessin shiur

Recognizing Abuse

by Rabbi Michoel Gourarie

Mirror Theory

We can all think of a few people that we would describe as being 'impossible'. These are individuals who push the wrong buttons, irritate us to no end and annoy us whenever we talk to them. These are the people that we find arrogant, critical, and negative or possess some other character deficit. How do we handle impossible people?

The interesting thing is that we don't all find the same people hard to take. The guy that annoys me doesn't bother my wife and the neighbor that she dreads talking to I can communicate with easily. Why do these difficult people clash with some but not with others?

The Baal Shem Tov explained this with the "mirror theory". He taught that when we look at others we are looking at a mirror. When we observe and analyze the behavior of other people we actually discover ourselves in them. The profile we create for others is shaped by our own personality.

None of us are perfect. We all have our deficiencies and areas of personality that are underdeveloped and need work. But we are often unaware of these deficits. Self love often causes us to be in denial, preventing us from resolving and correcting these weaknesses.

When we observe character defects in other people and criticize them, it is really the undeveloped parts of our personality that are showing up. We are only so irritated by these blemishes because the very same issues are unresolved within ourselves. My spouse might not have the same area of weakness, and therefore does not notice it in others.

When we see faults in others it can be used as an opportunity for self reflection. If we think someone is arrogant we can examine our own egos. If we describe someone as being unkind we can examine our level of kindness, compassion and empathy. If our friend's judgmental nature bothers us we should think about how we view other people.

We should always endeavor to look at people in a positive light. But when it becomes difficult, it is an opportunity to look inwards.

Art: Jack Vettriano

What about Abuse?

Is the "mirror theory" always true? For example, what about a woman who stands up to her husband who is abusing her physically or emotionally. Does it mean that because she has identified the abuse, there is something wrong with her? Does it mean that she has an abusive side to her?

Answer:

Thank you for asking this important question, allowing me to clarify the concept that I was sharing.

Inappropriate control, physical or emotional abuse is inexcusable. No one should ever have to be controlled or be the subject of any form of abuse. One of the most important aspects of a person is their dignity. In Halachic sources, we discover that there are instances where certain laws are suspended to preserve the dignity of the human being. The Talmud says that embarrassing or humiliating someone, particularly in public, is comparable to murder.

Victims of any form of abuse should never blame themselves in any way. Being the recipient of abuse is not a reflection of an abusive personality within the victim. A chronic controller or abuser is unwell, and identifying a sickness of another does not mean I myself am sick.

The mirror theory I shared with you is very different. What I was referring to was noticing deficiencies and weaknesses of other people that fall within the normal realm of human function. These deficiencies do not really affect or compromise us. They just seem to annoy and bother us even though other people do not appear to be affected.

It is these "blemishes" that we notice or highlight in others, which are really a mirror image of our own. It is these weaknesses that our sages refer to when they say that we should judge others favourably and focus on fixing ourselves first.

Count Only on Hashem

With the removal of American troops from Syria, Israel is being isolated as prophesied to happen before Moshiach, showing that we cannot count on Trump or anyone else, only Hashem..... so says  Rabbi Mizrachi  from about the 13 minute mark in this video.

The Seventh Day

Art: Miki Karni

Va'eira: An Island in Time

[extracts from "The Curtain Parted" by Robert L. Kremnizer]

In the midrash of Va'eira, Moshe tells Pharoah that the Jews will not work on Shabbat. What is the mystery of Shabbat that is so important that Pharoah is forced to cope with the fact that Jews will not work on this day? For most uninitiated Jews, Shabbat seems an enormous chore: a day without shopping, travelling, television.... who wants to live like this? Who would voluntarily undertake this imprisonment? Intelligent caring Jews shake their heads in dismay and extend their hearts to pity the misguided fanatics involved in this primitive rite, for whom reason appears not to exist.

In truth, it is difficult to communicate the preciousness of Shabbat because to a large extent its joy must be experienced. The apparent restrictions are in fact gates to new, greater and dazzling freedoms. These freedoms, however, become available only after the experience of Shabbat is lived, and lived repeatedly. Those not prepared to invest the time and energy, sadly never discover the wonder of the phenomenon.

We have a saying, that more than the Jewish people have kept the Shabbat throughout our history, the Shabbat has kept the Jewish people. The celestial properties of Shabbat are a necessary ingredient for the spiritual thriving and prospering of a Jew.

The Lubavitcher Rebbe taught that the blessings of Am Yisrael come to us because of Shabbat. Indeed, whoever keeps Shabbat properly obtains these unlimited blessings. Fascinatingly, these blessings come to those who actually fix their boundaries on Shabbat - not of course physical boundaries, but those which a Jew takes on for spiritual reasons. Am Yisrael and Shabbat therefore are absolutely and completely inter-dependent, and without Shabbat we cannot access these unlimited blessings.

Shabbat is best understood in terms of withdrawal from the creative and destructive physical activities into spiritual ones. On Shabbat a Jew abstains from 39 forms of labour and withdraws from the physical into the spiritual, surrendering his dominion over the creative and destructive processes of the world. On the seventh day, a Jew imitates G-d's withdrawal from the creative processes, to journey into touch with Hashem and, in doing so, renews personal vigour and recharges spiritual potential.

The Neshamah

The Jewish soul, the neshamah, has five levels. Three of these levels are enclothed in the body, two are not. The highest of the levels of the neshamah not enclothed in the body is called "Yechidah" - that part of the soul which is bound-up together with Hashem. On the day of Shabbat, the observance of Shabbat reaches that level of every neshamah which is "Yechidah", higher than any revelation of his neshamah in his body.

Anatomy

The three lower levels of the neshamah are revealed in the body. The neshamah has various powers which are revealed through organs of the body. For example, the neshamah has a power to see, and the power to see is revealed in the body. It is revealed in the body even without the organ which is instrumental in doing the seeing.

If a man's eye is impaired, he cannot see, but he still has the power to see. The proof is that we can mend the eye and the sight is restored. Similarly with hearing. Again, there is the power to hear and there is the instrument which hears. If the instrument is faulty, hearing is impaired. Nevertheless while the ear is faulty, the power to hear remains. Separate the neshamah from the body, by death, remove the power to hear, and the best ears in the world will still hear nothing.

The neshamah also has powers which are not enclothed or revealed in the body. The level of the Yechidah, as we have just learned, is not revealed in the body whatsoever. This is the level of the neshamah which responds when a Jew keeps Shabbat. Since this level of neshamah is independent of the physical body, the revelation is equal in all Jews.

As every Jew's Yechidah is part of Hashem Himself, there can be no concept of superiority or inferiority or a quantitive difference in a Jew's Yechidah; and it is specifically this level which is revealed on Shabbat. This is because the Yechidah, bound up and part of Hashem, is exposed and highlighted by the keeping of Shabbat. Not surprisingly, one can actually feel this. Ba'alei Teshuvah often report this phenomenon.

This is what Yaakov was doing establishing the boundaries for Shabbat as an inheritance for Am Yisrael forever. This inheritance is so specific that even Pharoah was bound by it in this parsha. These are the gates to freedom, mistakenly perceived by the uninitiated as limitations on freedom. When keeping Shabbat, a Jew is in touch with the level of his neshamah which is the Yechidah, and by doing so he is directly in touch, in a feeling sense, with G-d.

New Year's Eve Segulah

Copied from the FB page of  Rav Avrohom M. Alter -  January 1, 2018 · New Years Eve Segula

The Apta Rav says that sometimes our prayers are unworthy of being accepted on High on Rosh Hashana. So Hashem waits until the gentile new year and observes how they celebrate it vs how we celebrate ours.  In THAT merit Hashem then accepts our tefilos back from Rosh Hahshana!!

The Rationale Behind God's Justice

Rabbi Mendel Kessin, latest shiur.

The Hidden Message in the Ten Plagues

Rabbi Alon Anava

Sufficient Aggravation

Rabbi Nota of Chelm had a chassid who was very well-to-do, who said to him "I am very wealthy and I lack for nothing. But recently there is a little voice within me, that tells me that all is not well. It is as if I have a premonition that my fortunes are about to take a turn. It is one thing if a person is born into a life of poverty, and accepts poverty as a way of life. Not so with me. If I lose my fortune, the change will be disastrous, and I doubt that I will be able to adjust to it."

"What kind of changes have you made in your home recently?" Rabbi Nota asked.

Assuming that the Rabbi was inquiring about laxity of Torah observance, the chassid said "G-d forbid, Rabbi. Everything is as it was. Shabbos is totally Shabbos, my kosher standards are as rigid as ever, and I faithfully study the Torah daily."

"That's not what I am after" the Rabbi said. "What physical changes have you recently made in your household?"

The chassid thought for a moment, then said "Yes, I did make a change, but it is hardly significant. I had a set of expensive crystal glassware, but I would get upset when a crystal goblet fell or was chipped. I therefore set it aside, and bought silver goblets which are more resistant to damage."

"There you have your answer" Rabbi Nota said. "Every person is destined to experience a small amount of adversity. You were fulfilling your quota of unpleasantness when a piece of crystal was damaged. When you eliminated that source of unpleasantness, you invited adversity from other sources. Put away the silver goblets and use the crystal again. You will then have sufficient aggravation from the crystal being chipped so that you will not need any other."

And so we have an explanation for the custom in Jewish homes that when a glass or dish breaks, we exclaim "Mazel tov!" If we were destined to experience some loss, we satisfied this decree by the loss of the glass or dish, and now we could go on to be happy.

Source: Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski MD