Being Put To The Test

by Rabbi David Pinto Shlita 

The following story, which took place in the Israeli city of Holon, stuns everyone who hears it. It makes people realize that there is a G-d in Israel, that there is a Judge, a judgment, and that a person can’t do whatever he wants.

A man once hired a carpenter to do some work in his home. He was a skilled craftsman who did particularly good work, and the man gave him the keys to his house, allowing him to work even when nobody was at home.

One day, while the carpenter was still in the home, the man arrived and made a serious accusation: He said that an expensive jewel belonging to his wife had been on a table in the hallway, and that witnesses had even seen it that very same morning. “Since no one but you has been here since then,” the man said, “we suspect that you stole it and we want you to give it back.”

Despite the vehement denials of the carpenter, the man continued to accuse him of the crime. When the carpenter refused to pay the man, he brought him to court.

Although we have known for a long time that secular courts are very poor at rendering fair decisions, many people were still stunned to hear how foolish their verdict was in this case. Based on witness accounts of having seen the jewel in the hallway that morning, the carpenter was ordered to pay the man its full value, namely 70,000 NIS. The injustice done to the carpenter was actually two-fold. First, it wouldn’t be easy to find such an amount of money to pay the man, especially for a craftsman who works hard for a living; and second, once people learned of the court’s verdict, he would have no clients left, since nobody would want to hire him, a carpenter now known as a sleazy thief who had the audacity to steal a precious jewel.

The second part of this story is that the carpenter was so affected by this incident that he died. But the story doesn’t end there. In fact it’s barely begun.

A few days after the carpenter died, the man’s wife opened her jewelry box and found her precious jewel inside!

It seems that she had forgotten that she placed it there herself, which is why she and her husband had been certain that the carpenter had stolen it. Now it turned out that all the accusations brought against the carpenter had been completely baseless.

The man’s wife was shocked by what had happened, and she asked a Rav how she could rectify things according to the Torah. The Rav advised her to gather a minyan and to go to the grave of the carpenter and ask forgiveness for everything that had happened to him. The woman agreed, but her husband objected, for he was afraid that once people heard that they had gone to his grave asking for forgiveness, it would be interpreted in the wrong way. Hence he refused.

And now we come to the last part of the story. Barely a few days later, the family of the man who had hired the carpenter was also sitting shiva for the man himself, who suddenly died.

Other than the obvious conclusion that there is a Judge and a judgment, there is another lesson to draw from this story. The Shelah writes that when Heaven decrees that a person should die, sometimes the defenders that he created by his merits and good deeds intercede for him, and he is given another chance. In our story, defenders had intervened on the man’s behalf, and Heaven decided to give him another chance. If he used it properly, he would have been forgiven and the decree against him annulled.

If he had agreed to the Rav’s suggestion and gone to the grave of the carpenter, it would have been possible for Heaven to forgiven him. Yet since he refused, the most severe decree was enacted against him.

In general, says the Shelah, in such a case a test is sent to a person in the form of a poor man who comes to ask for tzeddakah in a very rude way, enough to infuriate anyone. Even though he has already received tzeddakah, he returns a second and a third time, not content with what he has received. This is how a man is put to the test, says the Shelah. Will he explode and get angry with the poor man, or instead – and despite the natural disdain that fills him – will he show compassion and overcome his evil inclination?

Hence when we encounter such a poor man – one who can truly exasperate the average individual – we must understand that it is very possible he may have been sent from Heaven in order to put us to the test, to see if we will control our natural tendencies and treat him with kindness, in which case the decree that may have been enacted against us will be annulled.

This is important to remember when we hear constant requests for donations being made in synagogue, when representatives of devoted charity organizations that do marvelous work go from one synagogue to the next in order to reach the public with their uplifting words, their goal being to collect funds for orphans and similar causes.

Sometimes we may think, “How many times can these people ask for money? How many? Can anyone possibly think that the wallets of bnei Torah are filled with unlimited supplies of money?”

There are cases in which, because of such thoughts, we decide that we are not going to give. In our minds, we object to the people who come to collect tzeddakah, and we come to the conclusion that enough is enough – that we can’t give any more – and that we’re not giving this time. We must realize that by making such a decision, we may be sealing our own fate.

– Barchi Nafshi

Every Day of the Year, You Are Your Own Judge

Unknown Artist

by Rav Ephraim Kenig shlit'a

He [Rabbi Akiva] used to say "Everything is given on pledge and a net is spread out over all the living. The shop is open, the merchant extends credit, the ledger is open and the hand records therein. All who wish to borrow may come and borrow. But the collectors make their regular daily rounds, and take payment from a person with or without their knowledge...." [Pirkei Avot 3:20]

A person usually goes about their daily life thinking that whatever they do is basically okay.  Even if this is not the case, they figure if no one knows, then it's not the end of the world; they'll just fix it afterwards.  They may even realize that G-d knows about their indiscretions, but since the person considers them to be only temporary, everything will somehow straighten out in the end.  These are the type of thoughts that Rabbi Akiva is addressing in his statement in Pirkei Avot.  He reminds us that whatever we take from this world must be left behind when we leave; nothing can be taken with us when we die.

Paying Back What You Eat
One way to understand this is found in the book ''Chesed L'Avraham'' written by the grandfather of the Chida, Rabbi Chaim David Azulai a"h.  He writes that when a person dies, the chevra kadisha comes to attend to the body before the levaya [funeral].  They cover the body in the place where it was when the soul departed, and everyone returns home.  The deceased remains alone with himself. When the body is put into the grave, if the person enjoyed a lot from this world, the first thing that happens is that the worms come to demand their portion.  In other words, they must now return whatever they took from this world, whatever they ate simply to fill their stomach.  Yet if they ate only in holiness and purity, i.e. only kosher food and only in quantities necessary to sustain a healthy and strong body to serve G-d, then there is nothing to take back.  This is one understanding of  "they take payment''.

With or Without His Knowledge
Since there are specific times during the year conducive to repentance and forgiveness, a person may think that everything automatically works out.  For example, there is the month of Elul - the Hebrew month set aside for teshuvah, intensive introspection and repentance - which is followed by Rosh Hashanah and the atonement of Yom Kippur.  But the reality is that G-d is not obligated to wait until these specific times and can send messengers to collect what is due at any point.  Sometimes, one may even be aware of their situation and upon a little soul searching, may even realize they might need to go through something unpleasant.  But usually, this level of self-awareness is rare and one has no realization that anything is amiss or in need of change.  But G-d operates in His ways. It is here the idea "with or without his knowledge" comes into play.

You Are Your Own Judge
Rebbe Nachman transmits the following idea in the name of the holy Baal Shem Tov.  Before any decree is issued in the world, G-d forbid, the entire world is assembled to give their agreement.  In this instance, the 'entire world' encompasses the inanimate, plant, animal, and human levels.  They are all notified and asked if there is any opposition to the decree.  This even includes the person who has the negative decree hanging over them.  When everyone reaches agreement, the judgment is passed.

Who in the world would agree to a negative decree against oneself?  Obviously, if you were to ask the person directly, they would defend themselves and oppose the judgment.  For this reason, a similar situation is presented to them, and their opinion is asked without realizing it has anything to do with their own case.  Someone will ask them: "What do you think about what so-and-so did?"  They respond. "Whoo whoo, they deserve this or that..."   In heaven they say: "Is that right?" You just passed judgment on yourself..."  The case is closed and the person doesn't comprehend what just transpired.  According to Rebbe Nachman, this is an example of "taking payment with or without his knowledge".

The whole concept of how a person is asked each time about their own judgment is profoundly deep.  Each word of every story we hear has lofty and exalted significance.   For example, we may hear a story about two people involved in an argument that has nothing to do with us.  In the rare case it does, we need to be even more careful.  But most of the time, it is simply a seemingly random story where everyone takes the liberty of jumping into the fray, taking a stand on who is right or wrong, and who deserves what.  The very words a person utters are then taken and applied to his own case and he will be compelled to bring his own words to fruition.  This is why Rebbe Nachman advises us to be very careful about what we say.  Don't let an inadvertent word slip out in the wrong way or pass judgment on another's behavior.  If you do, you are agreeing to your own verdict, since no judgment can materialize without your agreement.

Controlling Your Thoughts

King David says Zamoti bal yalavar pi - "My thoughts dare not pass through my mouth." [Psalms 17:3]  There are two important ways to understand this verse.  Firstly, the word zamoti is related to the Hebrew word for "muzzle" - z'mam.  King David alludes to this as if to say "G-d! Since I don't weigh my words seriously enough, put a muzzle on my mouth to prevent me from saying anything irresponsible or improper."

The second explanation of how to understand this verse concerns controlling our thoughts.  Sometimes a person blurts out an empty phrase, without even knowing why they said it.  But the reality is that there are custodial forces appointed over a person from heaven; sometimes they are good and sometimes not. They seize upon these same words and turn them around on the one who uttered them.  These ramifications ought to give each of us serious pause for thought.

It is not necessary to express every thought that comes to mind.  Thus King David refers here to the need for an even deeper level of restraint.  He would like G-d to place a muzzle on his mouth to stop him from verbalizing anything that enters his head.  Since according to Rebbe Nachman, it is through these very words that they "take the payment from a person with or without his knowledge".

We witness how people suffer from a bundle of woes that they carry, whether external problems or personal health issues G-d forbid. Yet the reality is that they agreed and signed off on everything.  Without their agreement, these difficulties could not have materialized.  One may say "I never agreed to such a thing!"  The recording is then played back for them and they are asked "You don't remember what you said in such and such year when someone told you a certain story? Was it any of your business to comment? You gave your commentary anyway and here are the consequences."  G-d should guard us.

This spiritual dynamic accompanies us every single day, hour by hour.  It is written "Whoever sits in the refuge of the Most High.." [Psalms 91].  The Talmud calls this particular chapter of Psalms "a song against evil forces" since it is recited by those who want to be saved from misfortune and accidents.

For instance, when mourners attend a funeral they recite these verses since they possess tremendous protective power against negative spiritual forces seeking to harm a person.  It is further written: "His angels he will charge for you, to protect you on all your paths."  This refers to the fact that there are angels who constantly accompany a person to safeguard him from harm.  According to our sages, these protective angels are more accurately called the yetzer tov and the yetzer hara - the good inclination and the evil inclination.  In contrast to what most people think, they are both responsible for protecting a person from disaster, since the fundamental role of the yetzer hara is to serve a person.  However, if one comes too close and is drawn after him, the yetzer hara is no longer obligated to fulfill his protective duty.  One then becomes enslaved to him, and the yetzer hara does whatever he wants with the person.


Forces Created From Our Own Actions
Along with the yetzer tov and yetzer hara, come all sorts of other forces, G-d forbid, which are created when a person stumbles, for example, in eating non-kosher food or is involved with any kind of negative thoughts, speech, or actions.  In this case, damaging forces are created in the world that are bound to the person who created them.  These forces are called mezekei alma - "destroyers of the world".  Their whole purpose is to cause damage and they don't even realize this is their role.

To illustrate, it is like a child who plays with matches because he thinks it is fun.  An adult comes along and admonishes him, but when he sees that the child doesn't understand, he takes the matches away by force.  This is because the adult understands very well that the child is doing something dangerous.  The child though, doesn't comprehend this fact.  He screams and cries "Why did you take them away from me?"  Likewise, these "destroyers of the world" don't even understand they are destructive. Their actions are not intentional, but since they were created from damage, this is their fundamental essence.

It is these forces that accompany us wherever we go. They catch our every word in an attempt to interpret it according to their crooked way of thinking, because after all, they are a creation based on crookedness and damage.  Since they are an undesirable creation, everything about them is undesirable. They even have the ability to compel a person to undergo judgments from the upper worlds. They facilitate a person's undoing to such an extent that life is endangered, and the individual has no idea what is actually going on.

We don't know.  We don't actually see these forces or perceive them with our senses, but what do we know? We know that there are tzaddikim on the highest of spiritual levels, who know about these matters with such clarity that they simply advise us to have compassion on ourselves and acknowledge we don't know what goes on around us on a spiritual plane.  For this reason, they caution us to guard ourselves from undesirable speech, thoughts, or deeds since they bring detrimental consequences.

One may take note of the many criminals at large in the world, who say and do terrible things, but seem to have it good without any suffering.  So where do these ideas fit in?  The answer is that something much worse is actually going on for them.  The criminal doesn't pay for his actions in this world. It simply waits for him in the next world, where everything comes back to him in a much more penetrating way.  This is what the Talmud refers to when it states "Afflictions atone for a person".  Whatever difficulties one goes through in this world serve as a huge atonement for him.  It is preferable and worthwhile to undergo it here, since in the next world, one contends with not only afflictions, but humiliation along with much more unpleasantness.

The only advice is to say to oneself "Stop".  Just as we need to be careful about what we put into our mouth, i.e. kosher and healthy food, likewise we must be careful about what comes out of it by guarding our speech.  The same caution applies to our actions. We should do nothing that the Torah, or our sages, forbid.  Similarly with thought; we shouldn't think that just because our thoughts are only between us and G-d they can be easily fixed.  It doesn't exactly work like this, since many holy books describe the power of thought as greater than the power of deed.  It is possible to do teshuvah or repair an action, but it is much more difficult to do the same with a thought.  You can nullify or gain control over an action, but once you think it, a thought is out of our control and possession.

Thus Rebbe Nachman's advice to everyone is to weigh our deeds in a way that will be truly positive in this world and the next, and to live good and thoughtful lives, with proper consideration for our every thought, word, and action.  Since there will be no-one to pass a bad judgment, every negative decree will be opposed.

Remember that you are never asked directly about your own situation, rather only about someone else's story.  Thus don't rush to pass judgment either verbally or even in your thoughts as to who is right or wrong.  Unless it concerns you directly and practically, just leave it without comment. You will feel profoundly satisfied, and it will be so very beneficial not only to you but to the entire Jewish people.

May G-d enlighten us with higher levels of self-awareness to improve our lives, as well as the entire world, every day and every moment.

Rabbi Ephraim Kenig shlit'a, is CEO and Rosh Yeshiva of the Nachal Novea Mekor Chochma institutions as well as the head administrator at Talmud Torah Magen Avot, in the Old City of Tsfat.

Eliyahu's Gift: Forgiveness

The Presence of Eliyahu Ha'navi at a Brit Mila by Rabbi Eli Mansour

Tradition teaches that Eliyahu Ha'navi is present – in one form or another – at every Brit Mila, and for this reason a chair must be designated for him. One should expressly designate the chair by saying, "Zeh Kisei Shel Eliyahu Ha'navi Zachur Latov" - ["This is the chair of Eliyahu Ha'navi"]

Why does Eliyahu attend every Brit? The Gemara tells that Eliyahu, who lived during the reign of the idolatrous king Achav when many Jews abandoned the Torah, came to God and complained that Bnei Yisrael were not observing the Mitzva of circumcision. God reprimanded Eliyahu, saying that He does not need a prophet to prosecute against His people, to accuse them of disloyalty. The prophet's job is to pray on their behalf and show them compassion even if they sin. God therefore decreed upon Eliyahu that for all time he must attend every circumcision ritual performed by Bnei Yisrael, and then return to God and report that the Jewish people faithfully observe this Mitzva.

It is further told that Eliyahu then told God that he would be unable to tolerate attending a Brit Mila if the child's father is a sinner. After all, Eliyahu was a zealot, who could not tolerate any sin or infringement upon the Almighty's honor. [The Sages teach that Eliyahu was Pinchas, who, as we know from the Torah, was a zealot when it came to God's honor.]  God replied that He will forgive all the father's sins. Eliyahu then noted that the Mohel, or perhaps one of the guests, might have a sinful record, and God again responded that He will forgive the sins committed by the Mohel and all the attendees. [See Taamei HaMinhagim]

For this reason, attending a Brit Mila is considered an effective means of achieving atonement. It should be noted that according to the Bnei Yissaschar [work by the Chassidic sage Rabbi Tzvi Elimelech of Dinov, 1783-1841], attending a Brit earns one atonement only if he stands near Eliyahu's seat. Given Eliyahu's zealotry, those near him at the Brit Mila require atonement lest he react angrily to their sins. One should therefore endeavor to stand near Eliyahu's chair at a Brit Mila.

Additionally, some Rabbis write that one earns atonement at a Brit Mila only if he performs Teshuva. Attending a Brit does not obviate the need for repentance, but rather allows a person to repent and earn atonement more easily. It is therefore appropriate when attending a Brit Mila to contemplate sincere thoughts of remorse and repentance.

Eliyahu Hanavi appears at a baby naming for a girl just as he appears at a bris [Rabbi Sholom of Belz]. This is hinted in the verse [Bereishis 2:19] vchol asher yikro lo haadam - the acrostic forming the word Eliyahu. [Divrei Naftali Berishis ibid]. in the name of the Yismach Moshe, it is reported that he also attends a pidyon haben, as alluded to in the words which follow the injunction of pidyon haben [Bo 13:2] "lee hu". These words can be rearranged to read Eliyahu [ibid].

Adults vs Children

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The Three Levels of Forgiving

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. [Oscar Wilde]

The people criticized G-d and Moshe: "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There's no bread and no water, and we're sick of this unwholesome (manna) bread." G-d sent venomous snakes upon the people, and they bit the people. Many people of Israel died. The people came to Moshe and said "We have sinned! For we have spoken against G-d and against you! Pray to G-d that He should remove the snakes from us!" Moshe prayed on behalf of the people. [Chukas 21:5-7]

Even after the people criticized Moshe heavily, resulting in a punishment of venomous snakes, we nevertheless find that Moshe did not bear a grudge and prayed for the people to be saved. "From here we learn" writes Rashi, "that if a person asks you for forgiveness you should not be cruel and refrain from forgiving."

This principle is recorded by Rambam in his legal Code, the Mishneh Torah, in three places and there are a number of variations which need to be explained.

1) In Laws of Personal Injury, Rambam describes the method and process of forgiveness. "Once the attacker has asked forgiveness once, and then a second time, and we know that he has repented for his sin and he has abandoned the evil that he has done, then one must forgive him". However in Laws of Teshuvah these details are omitted. Instead, we are told that "When the sinner asks him for forgiveness, he should forgive him with a full heart and a willing spirit." Similarly, in Laws of Moral Conduct: "If the person returns and aks him for forgiveness, then he should forgive."

2) The person who forgives is given a different name in each of the three laws. In Laws of Moral Conduct he is called the "forgiver"; in Laws of Teshuvah a "person", and in Laws of Personal Injury he is called the "injured party".

3) One further detail is that in Laws of Teshuvah a person is told not to be "difficult to appease". Why does Rambam use this phrase, and why only in Laws of Teshuvah?

The Explanation

Forgiveness can be carried out on three levels:

1) When one person sins against another, he becomes liable to be punished for the sin that he committed. In order to be relieved of this punishment he needs to appease both G-d and the person that he sinned against. Therefore, through forgiving a person for his sin, one alleviates him from a Heavenly punishment.

2) A higher level of forgiveness is to forgive not just the act of sin but the sinner himself. i.e. even though one person may forgive another for a particular bad act (thus relieving him from being punished) there still may remain a trace of dislike for the person in general. Thus, a higher level of forgiveness is to forgive the entire person completely for his wrong, so that there remains no trace of bad feeling between them.

3) The highest level of forgiveness is an emotion that is so strong and positive that it actually uproots the sins of the past, making it as if they never occurred at all. After such a forgiveness, the sinner will be loved by the offended party to the very same degree that he was loved before the sin.

It is these three types of forgiveness which Rambam refers to in his three different laws:

1) In Laws of Personal Injury, Rambam discusses the laws of compensation for specific damages that one person causes another. Thus, when he speaks there of forgiveness for a sin, he is speaking of the forgiveness that is required to relieve the sinner from the punishment of that specific sin. Therefore, Rambam spells out the precise method of forgiveness that is required to achieve atonement ("when the attacker has asked forgiveness once, and then a second time, and we know that he has repented for his sin etc. then one must forgive him"), because only by following this precise method can we be sure that the sinner will be acquitted of this punishment.

To stress the point further, Rambam speaks in terms of an "injured party" and the "forgiving" of the injury, as we are speaking here of a specific sin and its atonement.

2) In Laws of Moral Conduct, the focus is not on the actual sin and its atonement, but rather, the character of the forgiver. And, if a person is to be of fine character, it is insufficient to forgive a person just so that he will be freed from punishment. Rather, one should forgive another person completely (i.e. the second level above). Therefore, in Laws of Moral Conduct, Rambam stresses that "When one person sins against another, he should not hide the matter and remain silent" for it would be a bad character trait to harbor resentment, keeping one's ill feelings to oneself. Therefore "it is a mitzvah for him to bring the matter into the open".

Thus, we can understand why Rambam omits here details of the process of forgiveness, for the main emphasis here is not the atonement of the sinner, but the required character traits of the victim.

To stress the point further, the person is termed here not as the "injured party" but as the "forgiver".

3) In Laws of Teshuvah, Rambam is speaking of the highest level of forgiveness which is required for a person to achieve a total "return to G-d". For this to occur, the forgiveness must be done in a manner that is so deep that one uproots the sin totally; as if it had never occurred at all. This is because total forgiveness is a crucial factor in the sinner's overall return to G-d, as Rambam writes: "Sins between man and his fellow man... are not forgiven until... the person has been asked for forgiveness..."

Thus, Rambam stresses here that "A person should be easily placated and difficult to anger, and when the sinner asks him for forgiveness, he should forgive him with a full heart and a willing spirit" (despite the fact that these details are more appropriate to Laws of Moral Conduct), because the goodwill of the victim is a crucial part of the sinner's teshuvah. Only when the victim is completely forgiving - to the extent that the sin is uprooted, as if it never existed - can we be sure that the sinner has returned to be as close to G-d as he was prior to the sin.

To stress this point further, Rambam writes "It is forbidden for a person (not an "injured party" or "forgiver") to be cruel and difficult to appease" - i.e. here we are not talking merely of the minimum forgiveness that is required to relieve the sinner from his punishment. Rather, here we are talking of the victim as a "person". And one can hope that he will not merely "forgive" his fellow who hurt him, freeing him from punishment, but that he will allow himself to be "appeased" completely, thereby helping his fellow Jew to come to a complete Teshuvah.

Source: Based on Likutei Sichos Vol 28 Lubavitcher Rebbe

The Difference Between Children and Adults

This is fantastic. Spend just 2.36 mins and watch this. From Rabbi Y. Y. Jacobson.

 

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Seeking Forgiveness from the Abused

Rabbi YY Jacobson delivers a powerful Elul message to survivors of child sexual abuse and to the Jewish community.

 

Every Day We Create Our Own Judgement

by Rav Ephraim Kenig shlit'a

Reprinted with permission from Tzaddik Magazine  [October 2011]

He [Rabbi Akiva] used to say "Everything is given on pledge and a net is spread out over all the living. The shop is open, the merchant extends credit, the ledger is open and the hand records therein. All who wish to borrow may come and borrow. But the collectors make their regular daily rounds, and take payment from a person with or without their knowledge...." [Pirkei Avot 3:20]

A person usually goes about their daily life thinking that whatever they do is basically okay.  Even if this is not the case, they figure if no one knows, then it's not the end of the world; they'll just fix it afterwards.  They may even realize that G-d knows about their indiscretions, but since the person considers them to be only temporary, everything will somehow straighten out in the end.  These are the type of thoughts that Rabbi Akiva is addressing in his statement in Pirkei Avot.  He reminds us that whatever we take from this world must be left behind when we leave; nothing can be taken with us when we die.

Paying Back What You Eat
One way to understand this is found in the book ''Chesed L'Avraham'' written by the grandfather of the Chida, Rabbi Chaim David Azulai a"h.  He writes that when a person dies, the chevra kadisha comes to attend to the body before the levaya [funeral].  They cover the body in the place where it was when the soul departed, and everyone returns home.  The deceased remains alone with himself. When the body is put into the grave, if the person enjoyed a lot from this world, the first thing that happens is that the worms come to demand their portion.  In other words, they must now return whatever they took from this world, whatever they ate simply to fill their stomach.  Yet if they ate only in holiness and purity, i.e. only kosher food and only in quantities necessary to sustain a healthy and strong body to serve G-d, then there is nothing to take back.  This is one understanding of  "they take payment''.

With or Without His Knowledge
Since there are specific times during the year conducive to repentance and forgiveness, a person may think that everything automatically works out.  For example, there is the month of Elul - the Hebrew month set aside for teshuvah, intensive introspection and repentance - which is followed by Rosh Hashanah and the atonement of Yom Kippur.  But the reality is that G-d is not obligated to wait until these specific times and can send messengers to collect what is due at any point.  Sometimes, one may even be aware of their situation and upon a little soul searching, may even realize they might need to go through something unpleasant.  But usually, this level of self-awareness is rare and one has no realization that anything is amiss or in need of change.  But G-d operates in His ways. It is here the idea "with or without his knowledge" comes into play.

You Are Your Own Judge
Rebbe Nachman transmits the following idea in the name of the holy Baal Shem Tov.  Before any decree is issued in the world, G-d forbid, the entire world is assembled to give their agreement.  In this instance, the 'entire world' encompasses the inanimate, plant, animal, and human levels.  They are all notified and asked if there is any opposition to the decree.  This even includes the person who has the negative decree hanging over them.  When everyone reaches agreement, the judgment is passed.

Who in the world would agree to a negative decree against oneself?  Obviously, if you were to ask the person directly, they would defend themselves and oppose the judgment.  For this reason, a similar situation is presented to them, and their opinion is asked without realizing it has anything to do with their own case.  Someone will ask them: "What do you think about what so-and-so did?"  They respond. "Whoo whoo, they deserve this or that..."   In heaven they say: "Is that right?" You just passed judgment on yourself..."  The case is closed and the person doesn't comprehend what just transpired.  According to Rebbe Nachman, this is an example of "taking payment with or without his knowledge".

The whole concept of how a person is asked each time about their own judgment is profoundly deep.  Each word of every story we hear has lofty and exalted significance.   For example, we may hear a story about two people involved in an argument that has nothing to do with us.  In the rare case it does, we need to be even more careful.  But most of the time, it is simply a seemingly random story where everyone takes the liberty of jumping into the fray, taking a stand on who is right or wrong, and who deserves what.  The very words a person utters are then taken and applied to his own case and he will be compelled to bring his own words to fruition.  This is why Rebbe Nachman advises us to be very careful about what we say.  Don't let an inadvertent word slip out in the wrong way or pass judgment on another's behavior.  If you do, you are agreeing to your own verdict, since no judgment can materialize without your agreement.

Controlling Your Thoughts

King David says Zamoti bal yalavar pi - "My thoughts dare not pass through my mouth." [Psalms 17:3]  There are two important ways to understand this verse.  Firstly, the word zamoti is related to the Hebrew word for "muzzle" - z'mam.  King David alludes to this as if to say "G-d! Since I don't weigh my words seriously enough, put a muzzle on my mouth to prevent me from saying anything irresponsible or improper."

The second explanation of how to understand this verse concerns controlling our thoughts.  Sometimes a person blurts out an empty phrase, without even knowing why they said it.  But the reality is that there are custodial forces appointed over a person from heaven; sometimes they are good and sometimes not. They seize upon these same words and turn them around on the one who uttered them.  These ramifications ought to give each of us serious pause for thought.

It is not necessary to express every thought that comes to mind.  Thus King David refers here to the need for an even deeper level of restraint.  He would like G-d to place a muzzle on his mouth to stop him from verbalizing anything that enters his head.  Since according to Rebbe Nachman, it is through these very words that they "take the payment from a person with or without his knowledge".

We witness how people suffer from a bundle of woes that they carry, whether external problems or personal health issues G-d forbid. Yet the reality is that they agreed and signed off on everything.  Without their agreement, these difficulties could not have materialized.  One may say "I never agreed to such a thing!"  The recording is then played back for them and they are asked "You don't remember what you said in such and such year when someone told you a certain story? Was it any of your business to comment? You gave your commentary anyway and here are the consequences."  G-d should guard us.

This spiritual dynamic accompanies us every single day, hour by hour.  It is written "Whoever sits in the refuge of the Most High.." [Psalms 91].  The Talmud calls this particular chapter of Psalms "a song against evil forces" since it is recited by those who want to be saved from misfortune and accidents.

For instance, when mourners attend a funeral they recite these verses since they possess tremendous protective power against negative spiritual forces seeking to harm a person.  It is further written: "His angels he will charge for you, to protect you on all your paths."  This refers to the fact that there are angels who constantly accompany a person to safeguard him from harm.  According to our sages, these protective angels are more accurately called the yetzer tov and the yetzer hara - the good inclination and the evil inclination.  In contrast to what most people think, they are both responsible for protecting a person from disaster, since the fundamental role of the yetzer hara is to serve a person.  However, if one comes too close and is drawn after him, the yetzer hara is no longer obligated to fulfill his protective duty.  One then becomes enslaved to him, and the yetzer hara does whatever he wants with the person.


Forces Created From Our Own Actions
Along with the yetzer tov and yetzer hara, come all sorts of other forces, G-d forbid, which are created when a person stumbles, for example, in eating non-kosher food or is involved with any kind of negative thoughts, speech, or actions.  In this case, damaging forces are created in the world that are bound to the person who created them.  These forces are called mezekei alma - "destroyers of the world".  Their whole purpose is to cause damage and they don't even realize this is their role.

To illustrate, it is like a child who plays with matches because he thinks it is fun.  An adult comes along and admonishes him, but when he sees that the child doesn't understand, he takes the matches away by force.  This is because the adult understands very well that the child is doing something dangerous.  The child though, doesn't comprehend this fact.  He screams and cries "Why did you take them away from me?"  Likewise, these "destroyers of the world" don't even understand they are destructive. Their actions are not intentional, but since they were created from damage, this is their fundamental essence.

It is these forces that accompany us wherever we go. They catch our every word in an attempt to interpret it according to their crooked way of thinking, because after all, they are a creation based on crookedness and damage.  Since they are an undesirable creation, everything about them is undesirable. They even have the ability to compel a person to undergo judgments from the upper worlds. They facilitate a person's undoing to such an extent that life is endangered, and the individual has no idea what is actually going on.

We don't know.  We don't actually see these forces or perceive them with our senses, but what do we know? We know that there are tzaddikim on the highest of spiritual levels, who know about these matters with such clarity that they simply advise us to have compassion on ourselves and acknowledge we don't know what goes on around us on a spiritual plane.  For this reason, they caution us to guard ourselves from undesirable speech, thoughts, or deeds since they bring detrimental consequences.

One may take note of the many criminals at large in the world, who say and do terrible things, but seem to have it good without any suffering.  So where do these ideas fit in?  The answer is that something much worse is actually going on for them.  The criminal doesn't pay for his actions in this world. It simply waits for him in the next world, where everything comes back to him in a much more penetrating way.  This is what the Talmud refers to when it states "Afflictions atone for a person".  Whatever difficulties one goes through in this world serve as a huge atonement for him.  It is preferable and worthwhile to undergo it here, since in the next world, one contends with not only afflictions, but humiliation along with much more unpleasantness.

The only advice is to say to oneself "Stop".  Just as we need to be careful about what we put into our mouth, i.e. kosher and healthy food, likewise we must be careful about what comes out of it by guarding our speech.  The same caution applies to our actions. We should do nothing that the Torah, or our sages, forbid.  Similarly with thought; we shouldn't think that just because our thoughts are only between us and G-d they can be easily fixed.  It doesn't exactly work like this, since many holy books describe the power of thought as greater than the power of deed.  It is possible to do teshuvah or repair an action, but it is much more difficult to do the same with a thought.  You can nullify or gain control over an action, but once you think it, a thought is out of our control and possession.

Thus Rebbe Nachman's advice to everyone is to weigh our deeds in a way that will be truly positive in this world and the next, and to live good and thoughtful lives, with proper consideration for our every thought, word, and action.  Since there will be no-one to pass a bad judgment, every negative decree will be opposed.

Remember that you are never asked directly about your own situation, rather only about someone else's story.  Thus don't rush to pass judgment either verbally or even in your thoughts as to who is right or wrong.  Unless it concerns you directly and practically, just leave it without comment. You will feel profoundly satisfied, and it will be so very beneficial not only to you but to the entire Jewish people.

May G-d enlighten us with higher levels of self-awareness to improve our lives, as well as the entire world, every day and every moment.

Rabbi Ephraim Kenig shlit'a, is CEO and Rosh Yeshiva of the Nachal Novea Mekor Chochma institutions as well as the head administrator at Talmud Torah Magen Avot, in the Old City of Tsfat.

Remember

 

If you don't ask forgiveness from a person you have wronged, the whole Yom Kippur davening is pointless. Properly begging forgiveness doesn't mean sending a fax or a message, but personally approaching the person. 

[Rabbi Elazar Abuchatzirah [Baba Elazar] zt"l

Source: Torah Code US

Egos and the Laws of Forgiveness

A wise person understands that everything he sees or hears should be carefully considered: everything we experience, and everything that is brought to our attention, is for a purpose.

I guess it is not a coincidence that last Friday afternoon I found myself with some spare time and listened to Rabbi Mizrachi's latest lecture Personality Issues and in the following 36 hours I found myself confronting other peoples'egos and their effect on those around them.

There seem to be so many people struggling with their egos, and in the process, severely hurting other people.  Perhaps if they would stand back and look at the situation through the other person's eyes, and realize that other people matter, and it's not all about ME.... they would behave differently.   Try telling that to an egocentric person, and watch him become extremely angry.  It doesn't matter how intelligent, learned or ''orthodox'' they are, when it comes to their own ego, they are as stubborn as mules.

If someone upsets you, for example, passes you in the street and doesn't acknowledge you..... you may decide to become angry with that person and assume he is deliberately ignoring you.  Your ego will come to the conclusion that he is upset with you.  Instead of assuming the worst and relating his behaviour to YOU, try and give him the benefit of the doubt.  Perhaps he is so absorbed in his own worries, he did not even see you!  Is that so hard to do?  For some people, it seems it is.  Most of us spend our time worrying about ourselves and relating everything to ME, when actually we should be going out of our way to understand that other people have problems too, and it's not always about US..... it's about THEM.  

Egocentric people see everything as an attack against THEM, no-one else's problems matter as much as the fact that their own ego has been hurt.   If we can climb down from our own pedestal and realize that other people have problems too, and try to focus on helping them, instead of getting angry with them and assuming they are attacking us, we would all find life much easier.  

Is it okay to hurt someone else just to prove a point and win an argument? No.

Is it okay to bear a grudge against someone, even though that person has already apologized to you? No.

Is it okay to behave in a nasty way because you believe someone has offended you? No.

I remember going to a function many years ago, and as we entered the room, we were frantically summoned by an elderly aunt...... she forcefully told us ''don't talk to Sarah''  -  ''Why?'' we said...... ''because Sarah isn't talking to me!''she replied.  

How many people do you know who you no longer speak to because of something that happened years ago?   This kind of situation is all ego-based, and it is something that can be fixed, if only we have the courage to fix ourselves first.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. [Oscar Wilde]

The people criticized G-d and Moshe: "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There's no bread and no water, and we're sick of this unwholesome (manna) bread." G-d sent venomous snakes upon the people, and they bit the people. Many people of Israel died. The people came to Moshe and said "We have sinned! For we have spoken against G-d and against you! Pray to G-d that He should remove the snakes from us!" Moshe prayed on behalf of the people. [Chukas 21:5-7]

Even after the people criticized Moshe heavily, resulting in a punishment of venomous snakes, we nevertheless find that Moshe did not bear a grudge and prayed for the people to be saved. "From here we learn" writes Rashi, "that if a person asks you for forgiveness you should not be cruel and refrain from forgiving."

This principle is recorded by Rambam in his legal Code, the Mishneh Torah, in three places and there are a number of variations which need to be explained.

1) In Laws of Personal Injury, Rambam describes the method and process of forgiveness. "Once the attacker has asked forgiveness once, and then a second time, and we know that he has repented for his sin and he has abandoned the evil that he has done, then one must forgive him". However in Laws of Teshuvah these details are omitted. Instead, we are told that "When the sinner asks him for forgiveness, he should forgive him with a full heart and a willing spirit." Similarly, in Laws of Moral Conduct: "If the person returns and aks him for forgiveness, then he should forgive."

2) The person who forgives is given a different name in each of the three laws. In Laws of Moral Conduct he is called the "forgiver"; in Laws of Teshuvah a "person", and in Laws of Personal Injury he is called the "injured party".

3) One further detail is that in Laws of Teshuvah a person is told not to be "difficult to appease". Why does Rambam use this phrase, and why only in Laws of Teshuvah?

The Explanation

Forgiveness can be carried out on three levels:

1) When one person sins against another, he becomes liable to be punished for the sin that he committed. In order to be relieved of this punishment he needs to appease both G-d and the person that he sinned against. Therefore, through forgiving a person for his sin, one alleviates him from a Heavenly punishment.

2) A higher level of forgiveness is to forgive not just the act of sin but the sinner himself. i.e. even though one person may forgive another for a particular bad act (thus relieving him from being punished) there still may remain a trace of dislike for the person in general. Thus, a higher level of forgiveness is to forgive the entire person completely for his wrong, so that there remains no trace of bad feeling between them.

3) The highest level of forgiveness is an emotion that is so strong and positive that it actually uproots the sins of the past, making it as if they never occurred at all. After such a forgiveness, the sinner will be loved by the offended party to the very same degree that he was loved before the sin.

It is these three types of forgiveness which Rambam refers to in his three different laws:

1) In Laws of Personal Injury, Rambam discusses the laws of compensation for specific damages that one person causes another. Thus, when he speaks there of forgiveness for a sin, he is speaking of the forgiveness that is required to relieve the sinner from the punishment of that specific sin. Therefore, Rambam spells out the precise method of forgiveness that is required to achieve atonement ("when the attacker has asked forgiveness once, and then a second time, and we know that he has repented for his sin etc. then one must forgive him"), because only by following this precise method can we be sure that the sinner will be acquitted of this punishment.

To stress the point further, Rambam speaks in terms of an "injured party" and the "forgiving" of the injury, as we are speaking here of a specific sin and its atonement.

2) In Laws of Moral Conduct, the focus is not on the actual sin and its atonement, but rather, the character of the forgiver. And, if a person is to be of fine character, it is insufficient to forgive a person just so that he will be freed from punishment. Rather, one should forgive another person completely (i.e. the second level above). Therefore, in Laws of Moral Conduct, Rambam stresses that "When one person sins against another, he should not hide the matter and remain silent" for it would be a bad character trait to harbor resentment, keeping one's ill feelings to oneself. Therefore "it is a mitzvah for him to bring the matter into the open".

Thus, we can understand why Rambam omits here details of the process of forgiveness, for the main emphasis here is not the atonement of the sinner, but the required character traits of the victim.

To stress the point further, the person is termed here not as the "injured party" but as the "forgiver".

3) In Laws of Teshuvah, Rambam is speaking of the highest level of forgiveness which is required for a person to achieve a total "return to G-d". For this to occur, the forgiveness must be done in a manner that is so deep that one uproots the sin totally; as if it had never occurred at all. This is because total forgiveness is a crucial factor in the sinner's overall return to G-d, as Rambam writes: "Sins between man and his fellow man... are not forgiven until... the person has been asked for forgiveness..."

Thus, Rambam stresses here that "A person should be easily placated and difficult to anger, and when the sinner asks him for forgiveness, he should forgive him with a full heart and a willing spirit" (despite the fact that these details are more appropriate to Laws of Moral Conduct), because the goodwill of the victim is a crucial part of the sinner's teshuvah. Only when the victim is completely forgiving - to the extent that the sin is uprooted, as if it never existed - can we be sure that the sinner has returned to be as close to G-d as he was prior to the sin.

To stress this point further, Rambam writes "It is forbidden for a person (not an "injured party" or "forgiver") to be cruel and difficult to appease" - i.e. here we are not talking merely of the minimum forgiveness that is required to relieve the sinner from his punishment. Rather, here we are talking of the victim as a "person". And one can hope that he will not merely "forgive" his fellow who hurt him, freeing him from punishment, but that he will allow himself to be "appeased" completely, thereby helping his fellow Jew to come to a complete Teshuvah.

Source: Based on Likutei Sichos Vol 28 Lubavitcher Rebbe

Parshas Chukat: The Mysterious Friday Fast

The Magen Avraham cites a 'practice of individuals' to fast on the Friday prior to the reading of Parshas Chukas (OC 580). In general, it is an anomaly to have a fast day scheduled for a Friday. Of even greater significance is the fact that most fast days are established on a specific calendar date, while this one is not. The Magen Avraham writes that no matter what day of the month the Friday prior to Parshas Chukas falls, that is the day when 'individuals' fast.

What is the significance of this fast day? It commemorates the burning of 20 24 wagonloads of the Talmud and other Sefarim in France. When the event happened, it occurred on the 9th day of Tammuz. However, various Rabbinic authorities of that day learned through dreams that the 'cause' of the incident was not related to the day on the calendar, but to the fact that it was the day before the Torah reading of Parshas Chukas.

The Magen Avraham explains that the Aramaic Targum of the opening words of the parsha [Bamidbar 19:2] "Zos Chukas HaTorah" [This is the law of the Torah] is "da Gezeiras Oraiysa" [this is the Torah's decree]. This was understood to be a Torah decree that such a tragic event would occur on the Friday before this Torah reading.

The Imrei Shammai supplies additional historical background to this incident. He says that in the exact place where the Talmud and other Sefarim were burnt, the Jews of that town had in previous years publicly burnt the Rambam's Sefer - Moreh Nevuchim.

The Moreh Nevuchim was a controversial work. In those days, the Rambam did not yet have the unquestioning allegiance that he gained in later generations. As surprising as it may seem to us, he had his detractors and there were authorities that were highly critical of the Moreh Nevuchim. In fact, there were even some places where his Sefer HaMadah - the first volume of his Major Work "The Yad HaChazakah" was not accepted.

As a Heavenly punishment for this earlier burning of the Rambam's works, 20 cartloads of Torah books were now publicly burnt. When the Jewish community saw this, they recognized their earlier misdeed and repented by establishing a fast day. They prayed for forgiveness and subsequently there was no more controversy about the Moreh Nevuchim.

In this way they were very fortunate. They had a clear Sign from Shomayim in terms of what they had done wrong. It did not take a genius to put two and two together and draw the appropriate conclusion. The connection was obvious. This is the historical background of the custom of 'individuals' to fast on the Erev Shabbos preceding Parshas Chukas.

Source: Revach.net

Three Levels of Forgiveness

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. [Oscar Wilde]

The people criticized G-d and Moshe: "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There's no bread and no water, and we're sick of this unwholesome (manna) bread." G-d sent venomous snakes upon the people, and they bit the people. Many people of Israel died. The people came to Moshe and said "We have sinned! For we have spoken against G-d and against you! Pray to G-d that He should remove the snakes from us!" Moshe prayed on behalf of the people. [Chukas 21:5-7]

Even after the people criticized Moshe heavily, resulting in a punishment of venomous snakes, we nevertheless find that Moshe did not bear a grudge and prayed for the people to be saved. "From here we learn" writes Rashi, "that if a person asks you for forgiveness you should not be cruel and refrain from forgiving."

This principle is recorded by Rambam in his legal Code, the Mishneh Torah, in three places and there are a number of variations which need to be explained.

1) In Laws of Personal Injury, Rambam describes the method and process of forgiveness. "Once the attacker has asked forgiveness once, and then a second time, and we know that he has repented for his sin and he has abandoned the evil that he has done, then one must forgive him". However in Laws of Teshuvah these details are omitted. Instead, we are told that "When the sinner asks him for forgiveness, he should forgive him with a full heart and a willing spirit." Similarly, in Laws of Moral Conduct: "If the person returns and aks him for forgiveness, then he should forgive."

2) The person who forgives is given a different name in each of the three laws. In Laws of Moral Conduct he is called the "forgiver"; in Laws of Teshuvah a "person", and in Laws of Personal Injury he is called the "injured party".

3) One further detail is that in Laws of Teshuvah a person is told not to be "difficult to appease". Why does Rambam use this phrase, and why only in Laws of Teshuvah?

The Explanation

Forgiveness can be carried out on three levels:

1) When one person sins against another, he becomes liable to be punished for the sin that he committed. In order to be relieved of this punishment he needs to appease both G-d and the person that he sinned against. Therefore, through forgiving a person for his sin, one alleviates him from a Heavenly punishment.

2) A higher level of forgiveness is to forgive not just the act of sin but the sinner himself. i.e. even though one person may forgive another for a particular bad act (thus relieving him from being punished) there still may remain a trace of dislike for the person in general. Thus, a higher level of forgiveness is to forgive the entire person completely for his wrong, so that there remains no trace of bad feeling between them.

3) The highest level of forgiveness is an emotion that is so strong and positive that it actually uproots the sins of the past, making it as if they never occurred at all. After such a forgiveness, the sinner will be loved by the offended party to the very same degree that he was loved before the sin.

It is these three types of forgiveness which Rambam refers to in his three different laws:

1) In Laws of Personal Injury, Rambam discusses the laws of compensation for specific damages that one person causes another. Thus, when he speaks there of forgiveness for a sin, he is speaking of the forgiveness that is required to relieve the sinner from the punishment of that specific sin. Therefore, Rambam spells out the precise method of forgiveness that is required to achieve atonement ("when the attacker has asked forgiveness once, and then a second time, and we know that he has repented for his sin etc. then one must forgive him"), because only by following this precise method can we be sure that the sinner will be acquitted of this punishment.

To stress the point further, Rambam speaks in terms of an "injured party" and the "forgiving" of the injury, as we are speaking here of a specific sin and its atonement.

2) In Laws of Moral Conduct, the focus is not on the actual sin and its atonement, but rather, the character of the forgiver. And, if a person is to be of fine character, it is insufficient to forgive a person just so that he will be freed from punishment. Rather, one should forgive another person completely (i.e. the second level above). Therefore, in Laws of Moral Conduct, Rambam stresses that "When one person sins against another, he should not hide the matter and remain silent" for it would be a bad character trait to harbor resentment, keeping one's ill feelings to oneself. Therefore "it is a mitzvah for him to bring the matter into the open".

Thus, we can understand why Rambam omits here details of the process of forgiveness, for the main emphasis here is not the atonement of the sinner, but the required character traits of the victim.

To stress the point further, the person is termed here not as the "injured party" but as the "forgiver".

3) In Laws of Teshuvah, Rambam is speaking of the highest level of forgiveness which is required for a person to achieve a total "return to G-d". For this to occur, the forgiveness must be done in a manner that is so deep that one uproots the sin totally; as if it had never occurred at all. This is because total forgiveness is a crucial factor in the sinner's overall return to G-d, as Rambam writes: "Sins between man and his fellow man... are not forgiven until... the person has been asked for forgiveness..."

Thus, Rambam stresses here that "A person should be easily placated and difficult to anger, and when the sinner asks him for forgiveness, he should forgive him with a full heart and a willing spirit" (despite the fact that these details are more appropriate to Laws of Moral Conduct), because the goodwill of the victim is a crucial part of the sinner's teshuvah. Only when the victim is completely forgiving - to the extent that the sin is uprooted, as if it never existed - can we be sure that the sinner has returned to be as close to G-d as he was prior to the sin.

To stress this point further, Rambam writes "It is forbidden for a person (not an "injured party" or "forgiver") to be cruel and difficult to appease" - i.e. here we are not talking merely of the minimum forgiveness that is required to relieve the sinner from his punishment. Rather, here we are talking of the victim as a "person". And one can hope that he will not merely "forgive" his fellow who hurt him, freeing him from punishment, but that he will allow himself to be "appeased" completely, thereby helping his fellow Jew to come to a complete Teshuvah.

Source: Based on Likutei Sichos Vol 28 Lubavitcher Rebbe

Yosef HaTzaddik

[HT: Jacob]

According to many opinions [some Say 27th of Tammuz] Tonight Wednesday Night/ Thursday is the Yartzeit of the Holy Yosef HaTzadik Son of Yaakov Avinu A”H Zecher Tzadik VKadosh Livracha. 

Many will light candles lilui Nishmasoi [In his memory] and will daven [Pray] that in his merit we should be worthy of Kedusha [Holiness and Purity] in regards to the Bris. 

Just as Yosef who withstood the most difficult tests so too we his descendants should merit the same. 

It is also known to be a great time for one to ask forgiveness for any Aveiros [sins] of the past in regards to this area.

Parshas Vayakhel: The Ascent of Sin

"He forgives sins.... " [Ex. 34:7]

The word for "forgive" here literally means "carry" or "lift". Based on this, the Baal Shem Tov taught that G-d elevates the sparks of holiness in the sin, for nothing - not even a sin - could exist unless it contained a spark of holiness. G-d returns them to their source. This is the essence of forgiveness.

Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi explained this idea as follows: It is indeed impossible to elevate a sinful act; such an act is evil, and the only proper treatment for it is to denounce it. 

In contrast, the power of desire vested in the act is not evil, for it is possible to utilize this power to desire good as well as evil. When we repent properly, we divest our power of desire of its veneer of evil and restore it to its holy source.

from the teachings of the Lubavitcher Rebbe

Adapted by Moshe-Yaakov Wisnefsky

Narrowness of the Throat

 

Written by Rabbi Michoel Gourarie

Question:

I have been coming to your Thursday morning series on 'forgiveness'. The lessons you teach about letting go of resentment, acceptance and freeing yourself are all wonderful. But even though I fully understand these ideas I still cannot find it in my heart to change my feelings towards some of those people that have wronged me. This is extremely frustrating. Any suggestions?

Answer:

Like many of us, you suffer from a condition called "narrowness of the throat". The Kabbalah teaches that the physical design of the human body reflects the spiritual and psychological makeup of the soul. We possess two powerful forces that govern the human experience - intellect and emotion. Intellect and cognition live in the brain while emotions and feelings are expressed in the heart.

Each of these forces is different and important. The intellectual mind is cold and aloof, with objectivity and maturity. The heart on the other hand is subjective and involved, infusing life experience with passion, excitement, determination and ambition.

Here is the problem. In order to implement a lesson or a value it needs to travel from the detached mind to the involved heart, with a transformation from a theoretical idea to real feeling. But because intellect and emotion are so different, the transition is often unsuccessful. As it travels from the head to the heart it gets stuck in the "narrowness of the throat". This is a common condition.

Learning a lesson once, even if it is well understood, won't do the trick. The concept will just remain theoretical and detached from the reality of life experience. To break through the blockage of the throat the idea needs to become much more forceful. This is achieved by constant review, repetition and deep reflection on its relevance. Eventually, after revisiting the concepts from different perspectives and with deeper understanding, we build an attachment to these lessons and values, giving them enough force to break through and unclog the pathway to the heart.

So keep coming, keep reviewing and reflecting and eventually some of what you learn will trickle though to the heart and become part of real life.

Every Day of the Year, You Are Your Own Judge

by Rav Ephraim Kenig shlit'a

Reprinted with permission from Tzaddik Magazine

He [Rabbi Akiva] used to say "Everything is given on pledge and a net is spread out over all the living. The shop is open, the merchant extends credit, the ledger is open and the hand records therein. All who wish to borrow may come and borrow. But the collectors make their regular daily rounds, and take payment from a person with or without their knowledge...." [Pirkei Avot 3:20]

A person usually goes about their daily life thinking that whatever they do is basically okay.  Even if this is not the case, they figure if no one knows, then it's not the end of the world; they'll just fix it afterwards.  They may even realize that G-d knows about their indiscretions, but since the person considers them to be only temporary, everything will somehow straighten out in the end.  These are the type of thoughts that Rabbi Akiva is addressing in his statement in Pirkei Avot.  He reminds us that whatever we take from this world must be left behind when we leave; nothing can be taken with us when we die.

Paying Back What You Eat
One way to understand this is found in the book ''Chesed L'Avraham'' written by the grandfather of the Chida, Rabbi Chaim David Azulai a"h.  He writes that when a person dies, the chevra kadisha comes to attend to the body before the levaya [funeral].  They cover the body in the place where it was when the soul departed, and everyone returns home.  The deceased remains alone with himself. When the body is put into the grave, if the person enjoyed a lot from this world, the first thing that happens is that the worms come to demand their portion.  In other words, they must now return whatever they took from this world, whatever they ate simply to fill their stomach.  Yet if they ate only in holiness and purity, i.e. only kosher food and only in quantities necessary to sustain a healthy and strong body to serve G-d, then there is nothing to take back.  This is one understanding of  "they take payment''.

With or Without His Knowledge
Since there are specific times during the year conducive to repentance and forgiveness, a person may think that everything automatically works out.  For example, there is the month of Elul - the Hebrew month set aside for teshuvah, intensive introspection and repentance - which is followed by Rosh Hashanah and the atonement of Yom Kippur.  But the reality is that G-d is not obligated to wait until these specific times and can send messengers to collect what is due at any point.  Sometimes, one may even be aware of their situation and upon a little soul searching, may even realize they might need to go through something unpleasant.  But usually, this level of self-awareness is rare and one has no realization that anything is amiss or in need of change.  But G-d operates in His ways. It is here the idea "with or without his knowledge" comes into play.

You Are Your Own Judge
Rebbe Nachman transmits the following idea in the name of the holy Baal Shem Tov.  Before any decree is issued in the world, G-d forbid, the entire world is assembled to give their agreement.  In this instance, the 'entire world' encompasses the inanimate, plant, animal, and human levels.  They are all notified and asked if there is any opposition to the decree.  This even includes the person who has the negative decree hanging over them.  When everyone reaches agreement, the judgment is passed.

Who in the world would agree to a negative decree against oneself?  Obviously, if you were to ask the person directly, they would defend themselves and oppose the judgment.  For this reason, a similar situation is presented to them, and their opinion is asked without realizing it has anything to do with their own case.  Someone will ask them: "What do you think about what so-and-so did?"  They respond. "Whoo whoo, they deserve this or that..."   In heaven they say: "Is that right?" You just passed judgment on yourself..."  The case is closed and the person doesn't comprehend what just transpired.  According to Rebbe Nachman, this is an example of "taking payment with or without his knowledge".

The whole concept of how a person is asked each time about their own judgment is profoundly deep.  Each word of every story we hear has lofty and exalted significance.   For example, we may hear a story about two people involved in an argument that has nothing to do with us.  In the rare case it does, we need to be even more careful.  But most of the time, it is simply a seemingly random story where everyone takes the liberty of jumping into the fray, taking a stand on who is right or wrong, and who deserves what.  The very words a person utters are then taken and applied to his own case and he will be compelled to bring his own words to fruition.  This is why Rebbe Nachman advises us to be very careful about what we say.  Don't let an inadvertent word slip out in the wrong way or pass judgment on another's behavior.  If you do, you are agreeing to your own verdict, since no judgment can materialize without your agreement.

Controlling Your Thoughts

King David says Zamoti bal yalavar pi - "My thoughts dare not pass through my mouth." [Psalms 17:3]  There are two important ways to understand this verse.  Firstly, the word zamoti is related to the Hebrew word for "muzzle" - z'mam.  King David alludes to this as if to say "G-d! Since I don't weigh my words seriously enough, put a muzzle on my mouth to prevent me from saying anything irresponsible or improper."

The second explanation of how to understand this verse concerns controlling our thoughts.  Sometimes a person blurts out an empty phrase, without even knowing why they said it.  But the reality is that there are custodial forces appointed over a person from heaven; sometimes they are good and sometimes not. They seize upon these same words and turn them around on the one who uttered them.  These ramifications ought to give each of us serious pause for thought.

It is not necessary to express every thought that comes to mind.  Thus King David refers here to the need for an even deeper level of restraint.  He would like G-d to place a muzzle on his mouth to stop him from verbalizing anything that enters his head.  Since according to Rebbe Nachman, it is through these very words that they "take the payment from a person with or without his knowledge".

We witness how people suffer from a bundle of woes that they carry, whether external problems or personal health issues G-d forbid. Yet the reality is that they agreed and signed off on everything.  Without their agreement, these difficulties could not have materialized.  One may say "I never agreed to such a thing!"  The recording is then played back for them and they are asked "You don't remember what you said in such and such year when someone told you a certain story? Was it any of your business to comment? You gave your commentary anyway and here are the consequences."  G-d should guard us.

This spiritual dynamic accompanies us every single day, hour by hour.  It is written "Whoever sits in the refuge of the Most High.." [Psalms 91].  The Talmud calls this particular chapter of Psalms "a song against evil forces" since it is recited by those who want to be saved from misfortune and accidents.

For instance, when mourners attend a funeral they recite these verses since they possess tremendous protective power against negative spiritual forces seeking to harm a person.  It is further written: "His angels he will charge for you, to protect you on all your paths."  This refers to the fact that there are angels who constantly accompany a person to safeguard him from harm.  According to our sages, these protective angels are more accurately called the yetzer tov and the yetzer hara - the good inclination and the evil inclination.  In contrast to what most people think, they are both responsible for protecting a person from disaster, since the fundamental role of the yetzer hara is to serve a person.  However, if one comes too close and is drawn after him, the yetzer hara is no longer obligated to fulfill his protective duty.  One then becomes enslaved to him, and the yetzer hara does whatever he wants with the person.


Forces Created From Our Own Actions
Along with the yetzer tov and yetzer hara, come all sorts of other forces, G-d forbid, which are created when a person stumbles, for example, in eating non-kosher food or is involved with any kind of negative thoughts, speech, or actions.  In this case, damaging forces are created in the world that are bound to the person who created them.  These forces are called mezekei alma - "destroyers of the world".  Their whole purpose is to cause damage and they don't even realize this is their role.

To illustrate, it is like a child who plays with matches because he thinks it is fun.  An adult comes along and admonishes him, but when he sees that the child doesn't understand, he takes the matches away by force.  This is because the adult understands very well that the child is doing something dangerous.  The child though, doesn't comprehend this fact.  He screams and cries "Why did you take them away from me?"  Likewise, these "destroyers of the world" don't even understand they are destructive. Their actions are not intentional, but since they were created from damage, this is their fundamental essence.

It is these forces that accompany us wherever we go. They catch our every word in an attempt to interpret it according to their crooked way of thinking, because after all, they are a creation based on crookedness and damage.  Since they are an undesirable creation, everything about them is undesirable. They even have the ability to compel a person to undergo judgments from the upper worlds. They facilitate a person's undoing to such an extent that life is endangered, and the individual has no idea what is actually going on.

We don't know.  We don't actually see these forces or perceive them with our senses, but what do we know? We know that there are tzaddikim on the highest of spiritual levels, who know about these matters with such clarity that they simply advise us to have compassion on ourselves and acknowledge we don't know what goes on around us on a spiritual plane.  For this reason, they caution us to guard ourselves from undesirable speech, thoughts, or deeds since they bring detrimental consequences.

One may take note of the many criminals at large in the world, who say and do terrible things, but seem to have it good without any suffering.  So where do these ideas fit in?  The answer is that something much worse is actually going on for them.  The criminal doesn't pay for his actions in this world. It simply waits for him in the next world, where everything comes back to him in a much more penetrating way.  This is what the Talmud refers to when it states "Afflictions atone for a person".  Whatever difficulties one goes through in this world serve as a huge atonement for him.  It is preferable and worthwhile to undergo it here, since in the next world, one contends with not only afflictions, but humiliation along with much more unpleasantness.

The only advice is to say to oneself "Stop".  Just as we need to be careful about what we put into our mouth, i.e. kosher and healthy food, likewise we must be careful about what comes out of it by guarding our speech.  The same caution applies to our actions. We should do nothing that the Torah, or our sages, forbid.  Similarly with thought; we shouldn't think that just because our thoughts are only between us and G-d they can be easily fixed.  It doesn't exactly work like this, since many holy books describe the power of thought as greater than the power of deed.  It is possible to do teshuvah or repair an action, but it is much more difficult to do the same with a thought.  You can nullify or gain control over an action, but once you think it, a thought is out of our control and possession.

Thus Rebbe Nachman's advice to everyone is to weigh our deeds in a way that will be truly positive in this world and the next, and to live good and thoughtful lives, with proper consideration for our every thought, word, and action.  Since there will be no-one to pass a bad judgment, every negative decree will be opposed.

Remember that you are never asked directly about your own situation, rather only about someone else's story.  Thus don't rush to pass judgment either verbally or even in your thoughts as to who is right or wrong.  Unless it concerns you directly and practically, just leave it without comment. You will feel profoundly satisfied, and it will be so very beneficial not only to you but to the entire Jewish people.

May G-d enlighten us with higher levels of self-awareness to improve our lives, as well as the entire world, every day and every moment.

Rabbi Ephraim Kenig shlit'a, is CEO and Rosh Yeshiva of the Nachal Novea Mekor Chochma institutions as well as the head administrator at Talmud Torah Magen Avot, in the Old City of Tsfat.