The Mirror

The defects that you notice in someone else are the parts of yourself that still need fixing.

The world is a mirror ..... many people don't understand this.   Whenever you notice a particular character trait in another person..... that is the part of yourself that you need to work on.  If you think you have already fixed that trait in yourself, then why does it affect you so much when you see it in someone else?

The one who aggravates you the most, is most likely the one who possesses your own bad middot, but it's easier for us to criticize others than to work on ourselves.

If you can't see that trait in yourself, look harder. 

You can learn a great deal about someone by listening to what they say about others.  Most of what they say about someone else, applies to them !  They probably don't realize this.... and it's a good way of working out just who somebody really is.

The world is a mirror, you see your own reflection in other people.

The following is extracted from "Not Just Stories" by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski M.D.

Denial is a psychological term referring to a person's inability to see reality. Denial is a frequently occuring phenomenon, and is one of the many psychological defense mechanisms, whose function is to shield a person from an awareness that would cause him distress.

A very common form of denial is a person's inability to see his own character defects. The reason is obvious: awareness of the presence of this defect in oneself is too much for a person to bear. Yet unawareness of these defects will result in one's doing nothing to improve upon them. Even a dedicated soul-searching may fail to reveal one's own shortcomings, since denial obscures their existence from him.

The Baal Shem Tov said that G-d provided a way to circumvent this denial: "The world is a mirror" said the Baal Shem Tov. "The defects you see in others are really your own."

While denial prevents a person from seeing his own character defects, it does not prevent him from seeing defects in other people. Quite the contrary, we are experts at detecting faults in others. All we need to do, then, said the Baal Shem Tov, is to realise that these are but a reflection of our own shortcomings. We do not see defects in others that are non-existent in ourselves.

"Love covers all offenses" [Proverbs 10:12] has filtered down to the colloquial aphorism that "Love is blind". It is common knowledge that we may be oblivious to defects in someone we love, although they may be blatant to other observers. Just as we may not see that which we do not wish to see, so it is conversely true that we only see something which, for some reason, attracts our attention. The Baal Shem Tov states that when we see defects in others, the reason for this recognition is that, in one way or another, they represent our own defects.

This principle is a major dynamic in the effectiveness of group therapy. In treatment of some types of emotional disorders, group therapy may be far more effective than individual therapy. A therapist pointing out a particular character defect to a client may be rejected, with the patient's denial preventing the necessary insight. In a group session, the client is very likely to note this very defect in another group member, and the group may then help him realize that he too has this particular characteristic, and this is extremely effective in overcoming one's denial.

It is the persistence of denial that constitutes a major obstacle to therapy and corrective action.

Rabbi Dov Ber of Lubavitch was receiving his chassidim, when he abruptly told his assistant to close the door and not allow anyone entry. Some of the chassidim, eager to understand the Rabbi's sudden desire for solitude, put their ears to the door and heard the Rabbi reciting Tehillim with heartrending tones.

The Rabbi later explained that whenever a chassid asks him for guidance to do teshuvah for a transgression; he immediately searches for that transgression within himself, according to the Baal Shem Tov's teaching that the world is a mirror, and had he not been guilty of the same thing, even in a much more diluted form, it would never have come to his attention. The discovery of an analogous defect within himself then allows him to make the necessary amends.

"When one chassid told me about something he had done wrong, I promptly began searching for a similar shortcoming in myself. However, I was unable to find it. This meant that I was deceiving myself, and that somewhere there was a dereliction of which I was unaware. Being oblivious of this would preclude my taking any corrective action, and I therefore had to pray intensely for Divine guidance to help me discover this defect in myself."

What a wonderful world it would be if every time we saw some defect in another person, we would do some soul-searching, and take corrective actions for self-improvement, rather than being critical of others and denoucing them.

Responding to Stress

Rabbi Dr Abraham Twerski talks about stress: just take two minutes and watch this. You won't forget it.

 

Why Does Hashem Allow Catastrophes to Occur ?

HT to Rabbi Mizrachi

After the Haiti earthquake in 2010, Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski wrote:

Rabbi Twerski

The recent tragedy in Haiti has elicited a number of comments. People question why G-d permits such catastrophes to happen. Others ask, why go to places of worship to pray for the victims to the G-d who smote them? Some people see such tragedies as expressions of G-d’s wrath, but, are the victims of earthquake, tsunami and tornadoes to be considered the most sinful people in the world?

My understanding of these happenings is based on the statement of the Zohar, that the Torah was the “blueprint” according to which G-d created the world. In other words, Torah is Natural Law, according to which the world operates. The Law of Gravity is Natural Law and is inviolable as are other physical laws, and so is the Natural Law of Torah. If the physical law that keeps the moon in its orbit were somehow suspended, the moon would crash into the earth, but this would not be a punitive act by G-d. If someone puts one’s hand into a fire, one gets burned, but that is not a punitive act of G-d. Rather, it is the result of Natural Law that fire burns.

According to the Torah, there are seven Noahide Laws that are binding on all human beings, and these constitute the Natural Law according to which the world operates; these are:

1. Prohibition of idolatry

2. Prohibition of murder

3. Prohibition of theft

4. Prohibition of sexual promiscuity

5. Prohibition of blasphemy

6. Prohibition of flesh taken from a live animal

7. Requirement to have just laws.

All human beings, religionists and non-religionists are required to abide by these laws, which underlie the Natural Law according to which the world operates. Violation of these laws is tampering with Natural Law, whose consequences can be catastrophic.

The world is a closed system. When a butterfly flaps its wings in Norway, it affects the ecology in Australia. When the Natural Law is intact, the earth’s crust and the atmosphere are stable. When air pollution tampers with the ozone layer, or sulfur dioxide pollution causes acid rain, the effects may be felt hundreds of miles away from the perpetrators. The people suffering these effects are not being “punished” by G-d, but are the victims of the reckless behavior of other people.

Is this an injustice? Yes, just as it is an injustice for a pedestrian to be killed by a reckless driver. Such happenings occur because G-d does not interfere with the free choice and behavior of human beings. Just as we do not fault G-d when an innocent person is killed by a reckless driver, we should not fault G-d when innocent people, victims of hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes and tsunami, suffer from the reckless behavior of those who violate the Natural Law.

No one is singled out to suffer the consequences of tampering with Natural Law. Violation of the seven Noahide Laws by people on one continent may result in a disruption of the Natural Law according to which the world operates, and the consequences of such disruption may occur on a distant continent. The disruption of the Natural Law which affected Indonesia and Haiti may have been caused by violations of the Noahide Laws by people the world over. No individual or group of people can be singled out as responsible and as being punished.

The seven Noahide Laws are the basis of decency and morality. Every human being should behave according to them.

Source: Vos Iz Neias

Why We Cling to Tzaddikim

Last week there was a discussion in the comments about praying at graves of tzadikim.  Here is an article which will help to explain this. [Article written by Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski]

Every person has a direct line with G-d, and we are not permitted to pray to intermediaries. Indeed, the propriety of prayers where we appear to be asking for blessings from angels or for their intervention on our behalf, is the subject of debate, and must be interpreted in such a way that does not violate our basic belief that we relate only to G-d as the One from Whom everything emanates.

Yes, there is also the concept of faith in a tzaddik, which is derived from the verse in Exodus [14:31] "They had faith in G-d and in Moses, His servant". The sages derived from this verse that believing in the leader of Israel is equivalent to believing in the Creator [Mechilta]. In addition, the Talmud states that if there is a sick person in one's household, let him go to a chacham [a wise man] to pray for his recovery [Bava Basra 116a]. Inasmuch as everyone has a direct contact with G-d and we do not work through intermediaries, why is the prayer of a tzaddik more potent that one's own prayer?

There are several ways in which we can understand the concept of faith in a tzaddik. First and foremost is that the opinion of a wise man, a tzaddik, as a Torah authority, must be accepted and followed even if we are in disagreement with it [Sifri, Deut 17:11].

There is also a concept of receiving a blessing from a tzaddik and this has its basis in a statement from G-d to Abraham "And you will be a blessing" [Gen 12:2] which the Midrash interprets to mean that G-d gave Abraham the power to bless people, and that gift has been given to other tzaddikim as well. Nevertheless, a person must understand that even though the tzaddik conveys the blessing, the origin of the blessing is G-d.

A woman once came to Rabbi Mordechai of Chernobel, pleading for a blessing to have a child. To the amazement of the bystanders, the Rabbi, who was exceptionally kind and benevolent, said brusquely to her "I'm sorry, I cannot help you". The woman left the room tearful and broken hearted.

Noting the bewilderment of his chassidim, Rabbi Mordechai said "Just wait a few moments, then go find the woman and bring her back here." The chassidim did as they were told and when the woman came back, the Rabbi asked her "What did you do when you left here?"

The woman replied "I turned my eyes to Heaven and I said "Dear G-d, the Rabbi refuses to help me. Now You are my only hope. Bless me that I have a child."

Rabbi Mordechai said to the chassidim "This woman believed that I had magical powers, and she was trusting in me rather than in G-d. When I refused her request, she placed her trust in G-d where it belongs. She will now be blessed with a child."

The primary function of a tzaddik is to assist people in the proper service of G-d, to help them recognize their character defects and show them how to do teshuvah.

The power of a tzaddik is in his strong belief in G-d, and anyone who has that strong a belief can bring about similar results. When the tzaddik prays for a sick person, for example, and says that G-d is the healer of the sick, his belief is so strong that it actually brings down the Divine healing upon the person. In fact, said Rabbi Mordechai, the prime reason for having a relationship with a tzaddik is to learn how to perfect one's belief in G-d.

Extracted from "Not Just Stories" by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski MD
Published by Shaar Press

Video: The Lubavitcher Rebbe would often answer requests by saying that he would pray for the person at the grave of his father-in-law, the previous Rebbe, Rabbi Yosef Yitzchak.

It's All Good

Written by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski

Rabbi Baruch of Mezhibozh was reciting the prayer before Kiddush Friday night, and as he read "I thank You G-d for all the kindnesses that You have done for me, and for those that You will do for me in the future...." he paused and reflected, "Why must I thank G-d in advance for future kindnesses? Why not just wait until those kindnesses occur and thank Him then?" After a few moments of meditation, Rabbi Baruch said: "Ah, I understand. When those kindnesses in the future occur, they may be packaged in such a manner that I will not recognize them as kindnesses, but perhaps experience them as sufferings, and I will then not be in a position to appreciate them and be grateful for them. That is why I must thank G-d for them in advance."

After a few moments, Rabbi Baruch began to weep. "How tragic" he said, "that G-d will be doing kindnesses for me and I will not be able to recognize them as such."

Sufficient Aggravation

Rabbi Nota of Chelm had a chassid who was very well-to-do, who said to him "I am very wealthy and I lack for nothing. But recently there is a little voice within me, that tells me that all is not well. It is as if I have a premonition that my fortunes are about to take a turn. It is one thing if a person is born into a life of poverty, and accepts poverty as a way of life. Not so with me. If I lose my fortune, the change will be disastrous, and I doubt that I will be able to adjust to it."

"What kind of changes have you made in your home recently?" Rabbi Nota asked.

Assuming that the Rabbi was inquiring about laxity of Torah observance, the chassid said "G-d forbid, Rabbi. Everything is as it was. Shabbos is totally Shabbos, my kosher standards are as rigid as ever, and I faithfully study the Torah daily."

"That's not what I am after" the Rabbi said. "What physical changes have you recently made in your household?"

The chassid thought for a moment, then said "Yes, I did make a change, but it is hardly significant. I had a set of expensive crystal glassware, but I would get upset when a crystal goblet fell or was chipped. I therefore set it aside, and bought silver goblets which are more resistant to damage."

"There you have your answer" Rabbi Nota said. "Every person is destined to experience a small amount of adversity. You were fulfilling your quota of unpleasantness when a piece of crystal was damaged. When you eliminated that source of unpleasantness, you invited adversity from other sources. Put away the silver goblets and use the crystal again. You will then have sufficient aggravation from the crystal being chipped so that you will not need any other."

And so we have an explanation for the custom in Jewish homes that when a glass or dish breaks, we exclaim "Mazel tov!" If we were destined to experience some loss, we satisfied this decree by the loss of the glass or dish, and now we could go on to be happy.

Source: Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski MD

A Gadol in our Midst

Here's a truly inspirational Rabbi - and someone who, although I have never met him personally - has changed my life, as he has done for countless other people......  and I would like to publicly thank him for it.

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski M.D. who turned 80 last October,  has just published his latest book "Gevurah: My Life, Our World, and the Adventure of Reaching 80".

Besides authoring more than 60 books, he estimates he has helped more than 40,000 people recover from substance abuse through rehabilitation at Gateway in the last 40 years. He is also recognized as having called out addiction problems in the Jewish community, as well as exposing the problems of Jewish spousal abuse, which many people are still unwilling to recognize.

“I don’t think there is any question that my constantly beating the drum has brought it out,” Twerski said of spousal abuse in the Jewish community. “There is no question that my efforts have paid off in the long run.”

While Jewish spousal abuse continues to be a problem, Twerski said, “more women are now getting help. There are more organizations and more hotlines, and there is more education among rabbis. Unfortunately, there are some [rabbis] who are still in the dark and simply don’t believe it could happen in the Jewish community.”

Rabbi Twerski's excellent book on Spousal Abuse is a life-saver and highly recommended:  "The Shame Borne in Silence" is available here.

For  the complete article on Rabbi Twerski's latest book go to:  The Jewish Chronicle

Channels of Prayer

Source: "Not Just Stories" by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski MD


Why is prayer effective? Does one cause G-d to change His mind by praying? Why does the Talmud indicate that the prayer of a tzaddik is more effective?

Among the various answers that are given is that there are constantly emanations from G-d to provide for all peoples' necessities. These emanations flow along channels which can be affected by peoples' actions. Thus, there are things that people do that can cause obstruction of, or diversion from, these channels, so that the Divine emanations do not reach their intended targets.

Prayer may correct these defects in the channels, thereby allowing the nurturing Divine emanations to proceed to the persons in need. Tzaddikim have special knowledge just where the existing defects or obstructions may be, and they are therefore in a better position to rectify them.

But, we may ask, what is all this about channels and diversion of flow? Why does G-d not simply respond to people directly and give us our needs?

The answer is provided by an understanding of Divine truth and justice. Rabbi Moshe Chaim Luzzatto in his works, Derech Hashem (The Way of G-d) and Daas Tevunos (Wisdom of Understanding) makes it clear that G-d created the world with a system to which He adheres. While there is room for forgiveness of sins in the system of justice, there is no overlooking of transgressions, great or small.

The Talmud is sharply critical of anyone who says that G-d "overlooks" any transgressions [Bava Kamma 50a].

It is not really a testimony to anyone's greatness that he is a beneficiary of an unplanned-for miracle. When prayers are answered, and the results appear to be miraculous, it is because there were defects in the conduits for the Divine emanations, and these were rectified by the prayers, allowing the Divine emanations to reach their original target. Thus, this is not actually an alteration of nature.

The greater skill of tzaddikim in restoring these channels accounts for the special efficacy of their prayers. The faith in the tzaddik is not in any magical powers he possesses, but in his knowledge of how to direct his prayers so that they are more effective.

A Stain on the Soul

Art by Schnette

Source: "Not Just Stories" by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski MD

It goes without saying that spirituality and dishonesty are mutually exclusive. Anyone who is in wrongful possession of the property of others cannot begin to be spiritual.

A person may engage in unfair business practises and rationalize that this is the way business is transacted. It is also possible that a person may inadvertently take advantage of others, and this too is sinful.

In Safed there was a tzaddik, a kabbalist, Rabbi Avraham Galanti, who once came to the Arizal with a request that he reprimand him and help him correct his misdeeds. The Ari refused, saying that he was hardly one who could give mussar to so great a tzaddik, but Rabbi Avraham persisted in his demands. The Ari then studied his face and said "I see that you have a slight defect and that you are in wrongful possession of others' property."

Rabbi Avraham was shocked and promptly went home to don sackcloth and accept a fast, with intense soul-searching as to where he might have been dishonest, but to no avail.

Rabbi Avraham operated a textile factory. He called together all his workers and asked "Am I in arrears to any of you? Have I inadvertently withheld wages from anyone?" The workers responded "Rabbi, whatever you give us is enough. The Divine blessing is in your money, and whatever we receive always goes far enough to cover our needs."

Rabbi Avraham said "Then that is the problem. I may have shortchanged you on your wages, but you have never complained. That is why the Ari found me sinful. Henceforth you must be specific and make certain you receive every cent that is due to you."

"But I must make restitution for the past" he continued. Rabbi Avraham then placed money on the table and said "Let anyone come and take as much as they feel is due to him. Then I wish you to say "Whatever Avraham Galanti still owes me, I forgive him with all my heart!"

Except for one woman who took a few coins, no-one touched the money on the table, and all recited the forgiveness formula as requested.

Rabbi Avraham later returned to the Ari who said "The stain has now been cleansed. It was the small amount of money due to that woman that had left its mark on your neshama."

The Tikkun

When the fame of the Baal Shem Tov spread far and wide, one man who had heard of his greatness was determined to see this phenomenon for himself. He made his way to Medzibozh where the Besht resided, and was warmly received.

"And how can I be of help to you?" the Baal Shem Tov asked him.

"I have no need of help" the man replied. "Thank G-d, I and my family are well. I have a thriving business and all my needs are met. I did not come to ask for anything, just to have the opportunity to meet you."

"Well, if you feel you have no needs" the Besht said, "perhaps you will listen to a story I have for you. But you must listen attentively."

The Besht continued: "There were once two young boys who grew up together and became close friends. They attended the same cheder and always played together. Baruch and Chaim were inseparable, and everyone knew that wherever Baruch was, there you would find Chaim as well. Their friendship continued through their adolescence and well into their early adulthood.

"Chaim married a young woman from a distant town to the east, and Baruch married a woman from a distant town to the west. As was the custom, they moved to live with the wife's family, and for the first time in their lives, they were separated. They pledged to remain in close contact and continue their friendship unto eternity. Initially, they exchanged letters frequently, but as time passed and their families grew and there were so many distractions, the communication began to wane until it ultimately stopped completely.

"Chaim and Baruch each went into business and prospered, but life is often a cycle, and as the wheel turns, what was once at the top is later at the bottom, and this is what happened to Baruch. His business failed and he was penniless. Remembering that he had a devoted childhood friend, he felt that perhaps Chaim would come to his aid. He borrowed money for the trip and travelled to Chaim's town. Upon seeing Baruch, Chaim embraced him with tears of love, and the two sat and reminisced for hours. Baruch finally told Chaim of the misfortune that had befallen him, whereupon Chaim called in his bookkeeper and asked him to calculate the value of all his assets. Once he received the figure, he promptly wrote out a cheque, giving half of everything he owned to Baruch, who thanked him profusely and returned home.

"With the capital to invest, Baruch started a new business and prospered. But lo and behold, Baruch's mazal ascended....but Chaim's mazel descended, so that now Baruch was wealthy and Chaim was impoverished.

Remembering their devotion to one another, Chaim came to Baruch for help. How utterly disappointed he was when Baruch said "Chaim, I would love to help you, but the pattern is clear: it is not destined for both of us to prosper at one time. If one of us succeeds, the other will fail. If I put you back into business and you prosper, I know that I will lose everything. I realize that out of our deep friendship I should make this sacrifice, but while I may waive my own welfare, I do not have the right to sacrifice the welfare of my large family, my children and grandchildren who are dependent on me for their livelihood." Chaim returned home empty-handed and broken hearted.

"Years passed by, and both Baruch and Chaim went to the eternal world. When they appeared before the Heavenly Tribunal, Chaim was awarded Paradise for his loyalty and generosity to Baruch, whereas Baruch was condemned to Gehinnom for turning his back on his friend in his time of need. Chaim then said "How can I enjoy Gan Eden when I know that the friend of my youth is suffering the torments of Gehinnom? True, Baruch was unable to withstand the test to which he was put, and he put his self-interest first, but that is no reason to condemn him to Gehinnom. I will not enter Gan Eden unless Chaim can accompany me."

"The Heavenly Tribunal said that this was out of the question, that behaviour as outrageous as Baruch's rejection of Chaim's plea for help could not go unpunished, but Chaim was adamant. He would not enter Gan Eden if Baruch was doomed to Gehinnom."

At this point the Baal Shem Tov said to the man "Now listen carefully and look me in the eye."

The Besht continued: "The Heavenly Tribunal debated over the situation and came up with a solution for this dilemma. Both Chaim and Baruch would be sent down to Earth for another life span. Baruch will be wealthy and Chaim will be poor. If Baruch will help Chaim in this renewed existence, Baruch will have rectified his wrongdoing and redeemed himself, and will be permitted to join Chaim in Gan Eden.

"And so it came to be", the Besht continued. "The souls of the two came down to Earth again, and the person having Baruch's soul became wealthy, while the person bearing Chaim's soul was poor, a beggar who survived on alms. The beggar would keep only pennies for himself and gave everything he collected to his wife and small children.

"One day the beggar, making his rounds from village to village, came to the town where the wealthy man lived. He was tired and hungry, and did not feel that he had the strength to continue. Perhaps someone would be generous enough to give him an adequate sum. so that he could rest a bit and restore his failing strength. Winter was approaching, the children would need shoes and warm clothes, and they would need firewood to keep their house warm and dry. If he could only speak to a wealthy man in person and explain his plight, perhaps he could prevail upon him for a sum which would meet his family's many needs.

"The beggar knocked on the door of the wealthy man, and was met by the butler, who gave him the usual dole of a few pennies. "Please let me talk for just a few moments with your master" he said. The butler explained that this was impossible, since his master was occupied with important business dealings. The beggar began to cry "Ask your master to have mercy and spare me just a few minutes of his time to listen to me."

"The wealthy man, hearing the commotion, asked the butler what the problem was, and he explained that there was a stubborn beggar who would not accept the alms he gave him and was insisting on meeting with the master personally. The wealthy man became angry. "These beggars are a thankless lot! The audacity they have. If he refuses to leave, throw him out!" The butler did as he was told, and threw the beggar down the stairs. Exhausted, hungry and depressed, the beggar breathed his last and expired."

As the Baal Shem Tov said these last words, the visitor took hold of his head with his hands and exclaimed "Ribbono Shel Olam! This is what happened to me! Just last week a pesky beggar refused to take what my butler gave him and I had him thrown out, and he died right in front of my house! But how was I to know that I was being put to the test? It is common for many beggars to be dissatisfied with what they receive and they ask for more. I did not mean to be the cause of his death! What can I do to redeem myself now?"

The Besht said: "The Divine system of justice is perfect. You were given the opportunity to rectify what you had done wrong in a previous existence. Had your riches not hardened your heart, you would have listened to the beggar, and perhaps the relationship of your two souls would have resulted in him impressing you with his needs, and you would have responded appropriately, thus correcting the previous mistake.

"Now, you still have an opportunity to redeem yourself. You must leave for yourself only enough to meet the necessities of life for yourself and your family, and you must take all the rest of your wealth and give it to the widow and orphans of the beggar. I know that this is a major sacrifice, but this is the only way you will know peace both in this world and in the World to Come."

Today we do not have a Baal Shem Tov who can see both the past and into the future, but we must know that the Divine system of justice prevails and that nothing happens by chance. If we will live our lives as the Torah requires of us and trust in G-d, we will achieve that which is true and just.

Source: "Not Just Stories" - Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski MD

The World is a Mirror

Denial is a psychological term referring to a person's inability to see reality. Denial is a frequently occuring phenomenon, and is one of the many psychological defense mechanisms, whose function is to shield a person from an awareness that would cause him distress.

A very common form of denial is a person's inability to see his own character defects. The reason is obvious: awareness of the presence of this defect in oneself is too much for a person to bear. Yet unawareness of these defects will result in one's doing nothing to improve upon them. Even a dedicated soul-searching may fail to reveal one's own shortcomings, since denial obscures their existence from him.

The Baal Shem Tov said that G-d provided a way to circumvent this denial: "The world is a mirror" said the Baal Shem Tov. "The defects you see in others are really your own."

While denial prevents a person from seeing his own character defects, it does not prevent him from seeing defects in other people. Quite the contrary, we are experts at detecting faults in others. All we need to do, then, said the Baal Shem Tov, is to realise that these are but a reflection of our own shortcomings. We do not see defects in others that are non-existent in ourselves.

"Love covers all offenses" (Proverbs 10:12) has filtered down to the colloquial aphorism that "Love is blind". It is common knowledge that we may be oblivious to defects in someone we love, although they may be blatant to other observers. Just as we may not see that which we do not wish to see, so it is conversely true that we only see something which, for some reason, attracts our attention. The Baal Shem Tov states that when we see defects in others, the reason for this recognition is that, in one way or another, they represent our own defects.

This principle is a major dynamic in the effectiveness of group therapy. In treatment of some types of emotional disorders, group therapy may be far more effective than individual therapy. A therapist pointing out a particular character defect to a client may be rejected, with the patient's denial preventing the necessary insight. In a group session, the client is very likely to note this very defect in another group member, and the group may then help him realise that he too has this particular characteristic, and this is extremely effective in overcoming one's denial.

It is the persistence of denial that constitutes a major obstacle to therapy and corrective action.

Rabbi Dov Ber of Lubavitch was receiving his chassidim, when he abruptly told his assistant to close the door and not allow anyone entry. Some of the chassidim, eager to understand the Rabbi's sudden desire for solitude, put their ears to the door and heard the Rabbi reciting Tehillim with heartrending tones.

The Rabbi later explained that whenever a chassid asks him for guidance to do teshuvah for a transgression; he immediately searches for that transgression within himself, according to the Baal Shem Tov's teaching that the world is a mirror, and had he not been guilty of the same thing, even in a much more diluted form, it would never have come to his attention. The discovery of an analogous defect within himself then allows him to make the necessary amends.

"When one chassid told me about something he had done wrong, I promptly began searching for a similar shortcoming in myself. However, I was unable to find it. This meant that I was deceiving myself, and that somewhere there was a dereliction of which I was unaware. Being oblivious of this would preclude my taking any corrective action, and I therefore had to pray intensely for Divine guidance to help me discover this defect in myself."

What a wonderful world it would be if every time we saw some defect in another person, we would do some soul-searching, and take corrective actions for self-improvement, rather than being critical of others and denoucing them.

[extracted from "Not Just Stories" by Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski M.D.]