A Kind Word

by Rabbi Michoel Gourarie

Charity and kindness are of the most important aspects of Jewish tradition. The Talmud teaches that compassion and acts of goodness are the trademarks of the Jewish soul. Charity brings blessing, hastens the final redemption and is compared to all of the Mitzvot put together.

There are various forms of giving. We can assist someone in need with something tangible like money or gifts. Another form of kindness, of equal importance, is time. Spending time guiding, advising, motivating, or just being a listening ear are all legitimate ways to fulfill this important Mitzvah.

But there is another form of giving that is possibly even more powerful and important. It takes very little effort and yet does not receive the attention and importance it deserves. This is simply saying something small to someone in a way that makes them feel valued and respected. This can be achieved by saying a kind or uplifting word to someone feeling down or as simple as a warm "hello" greeting to a friend or even a stranger.

The Talmud teaches that he who gives a coin to a poor person receives three types of blessings. However, if he says a soothing word and makes him feel better, he is given eleven blessings. It also teaches that greeting someone properly brings the blessing of longevity.

Giving someone time or money fulfills an external need. They provide important support but don't address the inner essence of the individual. A kind word or a warm greeting respects their human dignity and inner soul. Every human being is created in the image of G-d and possesses a soul of Divine origin. Respecting and uplifting that person is recognition of his/her Divine imprint.

We might not all have a lot of time or financial resources to help others in big ways. But we can all take a few seconds to say something positive to someone else or to greet the neighbor, garbage collector or the mailman with a smile. These small acts of real kindness deepen relationships, and inject a positive energy and a flow of blessing into all of existence.

Leave a Message of Support for Gilad

On the eve of the fifth anniversary of Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit’s capture, an online campaign launched in Australia and highlighting his continuing captivity by Hamas, has gone global.

The site Meet Gilad.com is the brainchild of Andre Oboler, director of the Community Internet Engagement Project at the Zionist Federation of Australia.

Its aim is twofold: to collect one million personal messages of support for Shalit from around the world, and to build a coordinated global network of organisations, which can work towards “goals of mutual interest”.

The Sins of the Father

Art: Marianne Caroselli

"He reckons the fathers' transgression to the sons' account, up to the third and fourth generations" [Shelach 14:18]

In explaining how children can be punished for the sins of their parents, R' Berechiah HaNakdan recounts the following parable:

A hungry wolf met a fox and desired to devour it.

"Why would you want to devour me?" asked the sly fox.  "I am thin and have few bones... go and devour a fat-fleshed human, and you will enjoy the feast."

"I cannot devour a human" replied the wolf, "as the verse states "Of every beast I will demand it" [Bereishis 9:5] - [this verse warns beasts against killing people - see Rashi there]

The fox cackled and said "You have nothing to fear, for it is not you who will receive the punishment, but your children, as the verse says "He reckons the fathers' transgression to the sons' account."

The wolf was persuaded by the fox, and it began to search for a human.  On the way, it fell into a trap laid by hunters.  The wolf began yelling for help.  When the fox heard the calls of the wolf, it carefully approached the wolf.

"You liar!" screamed the wolf.  "Did you not say that only my children would get punished for my sins?"

"Fool that you are" replied the fox, "You are also not getting punished on account of your own sins, but for the sins of your fathers."

"How could that be?" screamed the wolf....."Why would I suffer for what others have done?"

"And why did you set out to devour humans?" queried the fox.  "Was it not because you were counting on the fact that it would be your children who would suffer for your sins? Since you felt it was fair that your children bear your sins, it is only fitting that you bear your fathers' sins!"

A child, concluded R' Berechiah, is only punished for his father's sins if he is guilty of the same sins.  This is because an individual's punishment is meted out measure for measure. When someone emulates the sinful ways of his father, without concern that his children will receive punishment on account of his sins, he too gets punished for the sins of his fathers.

If this is true of the negative, how much more so is it true of the positive: when a righteous son follows in the ways of a righteous father, he will certainly be rewarded for the good deeds of his father!

Source: Rabbi Yisrael Bronstein

The Gift of Self

In the city of Lizhensk, where Rabbi Elimelech taught, there is a steep rocky hill with a cliff known as "Rabbi Elimelech's Table". Yaakov-Yitzchak ish Horowitz, the famous Seer of Lublin, used to climb up there when he was young. He would sit alone and meditate for hours on the meaning of true humility, and how the nullification of the ego could be achieved.

One day, while he was deep in his meditations, Reb Yaakov came to the conclusion that the only way to give himself completely to G-d was to literally offer up his own life. So he went to the very brink of the ledge and looked down, intending to throw himself onto the rocks below.

But a friend named Zalke had secretly followed him up the trail from the village and was hiding in the bushes, watching. When he realized that Reb Yaakov was about to commit suicide, Zalke ran toward him, grabbed him by the belt, and pulled him back from the ledge to safety. Then Zalke remained there with his friend for a long time, comforting and encouraging him to remain in this world, until he had finally talked his soul out of its grim purpose.

Years later, after Reb Yaakov had become known as the Seer of Lublin, his old friend Zalke - now Rabbi Zalke - went to visit him. As he entered the room, the Seer went up to him, took both of his hands in his, and gazed deeply into his eyes. Then the Seer said "My dear, dear Zalke, my friend, my life - I truly love you like a brother. This is because, in my soul's first incarnation on this earth, you were my father. But when I think back to what you did to me in Lizhensk - how you talked me into remaining in this sorrowful world - then I find I cannot love you as much."

Nevertheless, the Seer of Lublin did remain in this world, and lived to a ripe old age. At the wedding of his grand-daughter, Hinda, when the time came for the gifts to be announced, the aged Seer was sitting at the table with his head in his hands, and appeared to be asleep. Over and over the master of ceremonies kept announcing "And now for the wedding gifts from the bride's family...." and waited for the Seer to answer. But the Seer remained motionless and did not seem to hear. Then everyone became silent, and waited respectfully for him to wake up.

A half hour passed and the crowd was getting restless. So his son leaned over and whispered in his ear "Father, wake up - they are calling for you to announce the gifts from the bride's family". The Seer looked up with a start and replied "Then I give myself. After thirteen years, the gift will be brought."

The wedding guests were puzzled by this strange announcement. What on earth could it mean? Of course, there were other generous gifts from the bride's side, and the Seer's family hastened to announce them. But the strange incident remained in the minds of the people. A few years later, the Seer of Lublin passed away.

Thirteen years after the wedding announcement, Hinda bore a son, whom she named Yaakov Yitzchak after her deceased grandfather. When the boy grew up, he looked exactly like his famous grandfather, right down to the fact that his right eye was a little bigger than his left. It is said that he was the very same soul, come back to fulfill his promise to "give himself" for a wedding present.

Source: "Jewish Tales of Reincarnation" - Yonassan Gershom

Technically Challenged

Did you hear a click?

Rita and Frank were trying to take a photo to send to their friends for Frank's 84th birthday, but as Rita listened in vain for the traditional camera 'click' they ended up with a video instead, which - as they say these days - is now going viral.

Blood Moon: Total Lunar Eclipse

Red moons and lunar eclipses are not good for the Jews. To understand the reasons why this is the case, see: Effects of an Eclipse

This month's full moon will pass almost directly through the center of Earth's shadow on Wednesday (June 15) in what will be an unusually long total eclipse of the moon.

More at: Lunar Eclipse June 15 and Space.com

The June 15 total lunar eclipse will be visible to observers in Africa, southern Asia, and Australia. It is said that this eclipse will be one of the darkest eclipses ever. It will be second only to the July 16, 2000 total lunar eclipse.

Recognizing Abuse

by Rabbi Michoel Gourarie

Mirror Theory

We can all think of a few people that we would describe as being 'impossible'. These are individuals who push the wrong buttons, irritate us to no end and annoy us whenever we talk to them. These are the people that we find arrogant, critical, and negative or possess some other character deficit. How do we handle impossible people?

The interesting thing is that we don't all find the same people hard to take. The guy that annoys me doesn't bother my wife and the neighbor that she dreads talking to I can communicate with easily. Why do these difficult people clash with some but not with others?

The Baal Shem Tov explained this with the "mirror theory". He taught that when we look at others we are looking at a mirror. When we observe and analyze the behavior of other people we actually discover ourselves in them. The profile we create for others is shaped by our own personality.

None of us are perfect. We all have our deficiencies and areas of personality that are underdeveloped and need work. But we are often unaware of these deficits. Self love often causes us to be in denial, preventing us from resolving and correcting these weaknesses.

When we observe character defects in other people and criticize them, it is really the undeveloped parts of our personality that are showing up. We are only so irritated by these blemishes because the very same issues are unresolved within ourselves. My spouse might not have the same area of weakness, and therefore does not notice it in others.

When we see faults in others it can be used as an opportunity for self reflection. If we think someone is arrogant we can examine our own egos. If we describe someone as being unkind we can examine our level of kindness, compassion and empathy. If our friend's judgmental nature bothers us we should think about how we view other people.

We should always endeavor to look at people in a positive light. But when it becomes difficult, it is an opportunity to look inwards.

Art: Jack Vettriano

What about Abuse?

Is the "mirror theory" always true? For example, what about a woman who stands up to her husband who is abusing her physically or emotionally. Does it mean that because she has identified the abuse, there is something wrong with her? Does it mean that she has an abusive side to her?

Answer:

Thank you for asking this important question, allowing me to clarify the concept that I was sharing.

Inappropriate control, physical or emotional abuse is inexcusable. No one should ever have to be controlled or be the subject of any form of abuse. One of the most important aspects of a person is their dignity. In Halachic sources, we discover that there are instances where certain laws are suspended to preserve the dignity of the human being. The Talmud says that embarrassing or humiliating someone, particularly in public, is comparable to murder.

Victims of any form of abuse should never blame themselves in any way. Being the recipient of abuse is not a reflection of an abusive personality within the victim. A chronic controller or abuser is unwell, and identifying a sickness of another does not mean I myself am sick.

The mirror theory I shared with you is very different. What I was referring to was noticing deficiencies and weaknesses of other people that fall within the normal realm of human function. These deficiencies do not really affect or compromise us. They just seem to annoy and bother us even though other people do not appear to be affected.

It is these "blemishes" that we notice or highlight in others, which are really a mirror image of our own. It is these weaknesses that our sages refer to when they say that we should judge others favourably and focus on fixing ourselves first.

Transparency

"It was the season when the first grapes ripen..." [Shelach 13:20 ]

Moses did not command the spies to bring back grapes in particular, but just "fruit", and we find that they brought back various fruits - grapes, pomegranates and figs [v.23]

So why does the Torah stress that "It was the season when the first grapes ripen" and not simply, the time when fruit was ripening?

The process of spying out the Land to conquer it represents our daily mission of evaluating how to advance the "conquering" of this physical world for G-d, through the most effective use of time and resources for Torah.  Verse 20 concludes that the goal of this process is represented by grapes: grapes are unique in that their seeds are visible through their skins, and this teaches us that the goal of our observance is to make the physical "skin" of this world transparent to its higher, spiritual purpose.

Source: Based on Sicha of the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Shabbos Parshas Shelach 5750