Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Pray For Her

Written by Adina Bensoussan 

URGENT: I know a woman who is in desperate need of help. She is in an abusive relationship, a victim of domestic violence. She is regularly beaten, cut, and her life threatened. Any time she tries to fight back, the community leaders tell her that she is wrong to do so.

They ask her questions:

What did you do to incite the violence?

Maybe you said something to cause anger?

Maybe you didn't make supper in time?

Maybe the house wasn't in order?

They urge her not to fight back. They say she must deserve it for some reason. Go home. Resume your life. Just keep low, stay quiet. Maybe give him some more space in your home. Try to give him things to make him happy. She does. She listens. She gives him sentimental gifts that were given to her by her parents. All in the name of peace. Anything for peace.

But he's insatiable. No matter how much she gives, he always wants more. The only thing that seems to make him happy is her suffering, and her death.

She listens to what her leaders say, for all she wants is to live in peace. Enjoy her home. Enjoy the sun. Enjoy her family.

After each domestic explosion, things calm for a short period of time until she's beaten again. She asks why. The answer? Because I can. Because you breathe. Because I decided that you shouldn't be in existence. Yes, you give me things, but I just destroy them. I pretend I want peace, but I just want to hurt you. Your suffering makes me happy.

When they go to the hospital after a fight, the doctors tend to him first. Assess his injuries. Patch him up. Give him pain medication. They write in his medical chart that he was attacked. Beaten. They ask her if she's hurt.....Yes? Just walk it off. Stop complaining. Stop causing violence.

She is confused. No one is helping her. Everyone is blaming her. How can people be so ignorant? How can they blame a woman who lives in fear of being killed....for the sole reason of just existing?
Always blamed. No matter what, always her fault. But faulted for what? For providing him with a beautiful home that she literally built from nothing? For allowing him to live freely? For feeding him? For taking care of his every need? But yes, his anger is her fault. At least that's what everyone is telling her.

But she alone knows the truth. She and G-d. She's stopped trying to convince people otherwise. She's tired of the beatings. Tired of living in fear. Tired of the attacks. She's ready to live without fear. She's ready to fight back despite everyone telling her not to.

The only thing she needs? G-d. She calls all of her friends and asks them to pray for her. Be better people for her. Care for each other, for her. Provide her with as many merits as they can, because she knows the fight may be ugly, but that Gd and her ability to be close to Him is her only weapon. And with that, she will prevail. She will survive. She will prosper.

She's asking that we pray for her.

Her name: ISRAEL.

However, as is true for many women, the world severely underestimates her strength.


yaak said...

This woman needs to get some guts and once-and-for-all kick this abusive husband out of the house. Let him go live somewhere else. She needs to stop listening to her so-called "friends" who say to give peace a chance. This woman has tried to give peace a chance over and over and got more and more abuse. The husband needs to pack up and go.

Of course, it's easier said than done as the husband isn't willing to go so easily. I know this husband and he's as stubborn as they come. And he's got some powerful friends in neighboring homes and in homes across the pond. But unbeknownst to the husband, the most powerful Force is on the woman's side, so if this woman has guts and faith, she will overcome all the obstacles.

I wish this woman much success in the years to come.

devora said...

Very powerful and accurate....we are a nation that dwells alone....... Hazak Vamatz Am Yisrael!!!!!!!!!

Neshama said...

When I got to the questions, I said this is what they're doing to Israel. I didn't need to read much further, until the last line. Very nice Devorah!

Shuki said...

That woman has the power to create her destiny, all she has to do is decide, make a move and she will have Divine backing. But through all the years of abuse, she is not sure because when she called out before, he was not there for her.

CDG, Yerushalayim, Eretz Yisrael Shlemah said...

I was there with Neshama, saying the same thing to myself.

Shuki, this time we are not saying, "They don't really mean it." We know better by now. May our enemies receive what they planned for us, on themselves - whether Jews are in Israel or outside.

Meanwhile, use a walking stick and learn How to Kill Knife-Wielding Terrorists!

Hodesh tov, Devorah and readers!

Dassie said...

Very powerful and very true, and brilliantly written.
(And Yaak's comment is an excellent continuation of the post.)
Agree very strongly with the rest of the comments, too.
Thanks for this, Devorah.

Anonymous said...

You got me there; I thought you w'ere talking about a real woman but you are talking about israel. The truth is that the husband (the fakestinians) are not human but rather beasts. The wife also has many many flaws that she must improve on (if you know what that means) and she has many blemishes to clean out b4 she can be beautiful. Now regarding the relationship, not only is the husband cruel, but he also has many many cruel representatives to back him up against the wife because they hate israel and the true holiness the only real husband israel has is g-d. Israel should divorce her current husband and put the blade in his heart. Clean herself, educate herself, reorganize her creed, rebuild her ideology l, purify herself and come back to her true husband and the real husband (who is all and can do all) will end all her ex-husbands represenratives.
Holy israel

Devorah said...

Just a reminder, I didn't write it, it was written by Adina Bensoussan.

Elliot said...

Brilliant, powerful, tear-jerking!

Ronnie Rendel said...

Having counseled a few real people in this situation (men and women by the way), it is absolutely true that the same concept applied in the microcosm of a personal relationship and macro cosm of world (state) relationships.

In an abusive relationship, the abuser is not in control of him or herself, and as weird as it may sound, they are actually responding to subconscious signals they are receiving from the abused. These are signs of unbalanced "goodness" which is actually not goodness at all, but a deep need for acceptance mixed with extreme weakness of character, This "cocktail" of messages makes the abuser kick into action, usually not even being aware of what's causing their abusive behavior.

Many shlomo bais counselors try to get the abuser to get treatment, seldom with any success. The real person in this case to get treatment is the abused. And I have see amazing things happen. For example, an abusive husband who would belittle and curse at his wife whenever she did something "Good" and tried to make the home pleasant etc. This would make her try to be extra "good", thus making her husband feel how "bad" he is behaving, which made him more mad, until she ended up in tears (I don't think there was actual physical violence, but intense verbal abuse.)

After coaching, this woman worked on herself to stop acting extra "nice", and to not see her husband as a scary abusive monster, but rather as a scared little boy, frustrated with himself. After a while, as he would go into a rampage, she would start looking at him with pitty, not scared, not attacking, but actually feeling his inner pain.

For example, as he would complain about how she messed up dinner, she would answer "I'm so sorry you don't like it. I did the best I can. It's OK, you don't have to eat it. Tomorrow you can make your own dinner." She did not say it as a "come backl" or an assault back, but rather with calm and a strong self of self value that is not dependent on his opinion of her.

It was at this point that her husband actually started crying. He later started receiving counseling by the same moshpia who has been working with his wife (my teacher and moshpia Rav Mordechai Rotenshtein

All of the above applied to Israel.

Anonymous said...

Amalekites don't make good husbands. "He" needs to be shipped out on a one way boat......because he will never change...he was brought up that way...raised in a death cult....he can't change his "spots". She needs a swift divorce and a restraining order against him....

Yaffah Batya said...

I also thought this was about a real woman. As a professional coach, and having dealt a lot with trauma victims, I was going to write to you Devorah and ask you to send this woman my e-mail address, so I could try to help her. LOL ... what the abuser (in this story) doesn't realize is that this woman's Abba is gonna beat him up and make him go away.

Anonymous said...

Her REAL husband is waiting for her to come back already! How long will she keep him waiting???

Dvash said...

I was just wondering does Adina live in New York? Where did you get this article from?

Devorah said...

According to her FB page, yes I believe it is NY.

Anonymous said...

This is excellent. No doubt The New York Times and most other Left wing do-gooders would be alarmed by this "victim"... until they read the last sentence. Then they would just say ,"Oh, it's right wing manipulation."

Adina Bensoussan said...

Hi Everyone!

I just came across this and wanted to say thank you to Devora for posting. May we all merit to see the Geula with peace and happiness, Amen!