I don't remember when or where, but I clearly remember learning that at the End of Days we would be tested. You may think the test is whether we support Israel or not.... but I think the test is far greater than that.
Someone very close to me, who didn't know Yiddish but had picked up a few words here and there [and managed to mis-pronounce all of them] used to often say she was "fedummeled". Fedummeled is not actually a Yiddish word, it isn't any word at all, but she would use it when she was confused and couldn't focus on anything due to stress. That's how I feel right now.. I feel fedummeled.
I have gone back and forth, not understanding how the G-d that I have believed and trusted in for all my life could allow such terrible things to happen to innocent babies, children and parents. It's not something I can deal with on any level. Hence, I am fedummeled.
But I decided that this must be the actual test.... do we abandon G-d, as many did during the Holocaust, because G-d had obviously abandoned those who awaited their death in the concentration camps? Or do we carry on and understand that this is happening for a reason? How can we believe in Hashem's kindness in the face of such horror that we witnessed on October 7 ?
I think this is the test at the End of Days. It's a very difficult test, because we cannot understand why Hashem would allow any of it. I have gone back and forth with this issue, I have no answers and no comprehension of Hashem's ways. I thought I knew who G-d was, obviously I was under a false impression because the G-d I know would not have allowed the events of October 7.
I don't know what to make of anything right now. What do I do with the innocent people in Gaza with no food or water, or shelter? What do I with my heartache for all the suffering of my own people?
I remain fedummeled. I'm not sure I'm even passing the test at the End of Days right now. Even if I pray to G-d, I'm still shell-shocked and operating on less than 50% of my usual power.
I know as a blogger I'm supposed to present an outward sense of strength and pass that on to my readers. I admire those bloggers [and commenters] who can do that, I admire their strength, especially if they are living in Israel. Although lately I've been thinking it's a lot harder to be a Jew in the diaspora, and I haven't gone out very much since October 7 which is already one month ago. I've been dazed for a month, I'm confused and yes I am fedummeled.
23 comments:
We have no answer...why can't they have food etc.....
Thank you Devorah,
I think you answered my question.
I will hold on or rather try to, hold on to the One Gd of all Creation.
May He help all who are undergoing questions, and confusions.
May Hashem bless you and yours.
Have followed you and admired you and your blog.
Amen v'Amen.
esscee
I just spent 5 minutes on TikTok. Some anti-semite was calling out celebrities who have stayed quiet on the matter. Amal Clooney was singled out for being a Human Rights Activist and saying nothing at all. There were over 500 comments and the ones I read were pretty bad. Then they attacked Keanu Reeves... because there is a photo of him chatting with Bibi at a party back in 2014. [he also has a Jewish girlfriend btw... although I don't think she publicly acknowledges that] - both of them seem very nice people. Poor Keanu copped a beating from the commenters as well. No-one is immune these days from hatred, even if they've tried to stay out of things.
They say that silence indicates consent. But consent to what? Some people just find it difficult to get involved because whatever they do they are damned. Damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Best not to judge others, just concentrate on your own faults and try to fix them.
You speak truth.
Will follow your advice and your wisdom, which Hashem has blessed you with.
Thanks again.
esscee
Thank you esscee, it was you who inspired me to write this post.
We don't know. We can't see. We only have 5 senses, only 2 eyes, that perceive only so precious little. We don't see behind us, and our view of the past is based on our distorted memory and distorted history that is filtered though our lenses, and we can't see previous lives. Even in front of us, we can't see more than a couple of feet, and even then our eyes deceive us.
To paraphrase Rabbi Kessin, everything that occurs in history must be furthering the messianic narrative. To quote the Blue Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, "Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in Gd's world by mistake."
Therefore, I maintain (and live by for myself, and teach my clients as a psychotherapist) that the only appropriate response is "Ouch" combined with "Thank You," because we believe that it's all for the best. We believe that it's part of the process of the progression of history, leading up to the redemption. We see in our lives how tribulation and tragedies yielded secondary gains and shaped us. We see it all over if we look.
"Thank You" is similar to saying "Baruch Dayah HaEmes" (Blessed is the True Judge) when someone dies. "I don't know how it's good, but I believe in You and that You are running everything and that it's for the good, and I have to therefore just Thank You for now, in my belief and trusting of You."
Thanking Gd sweetens the judgments.
So, I recommend saying "Thank You" and "I choose to trust You, even though I understand and see so little and don't have the gigabytes to figure it out."
"Ouch, this hurts," and "Thank You"
It works, and has gotten me through the darkest of times.
I've believed for many years that this will be the method that will get us through these birth pangs and squeezings.
Thank you Kalman, that was very helpful.
In response to the writer of this post, not that I claim to understand anything or the reason for the terrible massacre, hostages and suffering, but Rabbi Mendel Kessin has mentioned on several occasions the concept of Hanhagat HaYichud. (הנהגת היחוד)
Could this possibly be an answer to one of the reasons Hashem deemed this massacre and suffering needed to happen? Just speculation.
C S
The fact that you are bothered is totally normal we are in end times take a look at this short explanation of what we are up against if you think it's off topic then disregard https://www.yeshiva.org.il/midrash/390
Kalman, read your comment.
Yes, you are right.
Will follow your advice, but that too with Hashem's help.
Thanks for many inspiring comments on this blog.
Hashem bless and give courage and health, to all suffering peoples all over, especially in Eretz Israel.
Thank Y-u Hashem!
esscee
The word “ Fedummeled “ I would guess is a distortion of “ Fartummeled”
She probably heard it and then couldn’t remember it exactly- as is the case with many Yiddish words
https://youtu.be/oreGJZMz-2k?si=l3SIMdZVxmwRKFnh
From Yuval Ovadia's channel
Topic: Special Prophecy from 1800 years ago !!! Arabs, Christians & Planet X
C S
I remember very clearly one shir that R. Mendel Kessin gave maybe over a year ago, where he said we would face a test as severe as if the fire from Heaven had come down on the offering of the prophets of Baal, instead of the offering of Elijah. THAT'S how shocking the test would be at the end of days. And I'm just going to say, that it could be we are still to face that test. This may not be the whole thing. But we should remember, on some level, in some dimension in the heavenly realms, what is happening now IS for the ultimate good. It's just not polite to tell people that when they are in mourning. But we have to TRY to enter into that idea to help us through this time. Just think, in some ways, if we can have trust in the Holy One now, it might be comparable to what we said at Sinai, "We will do and we will hear."
American Knitter, yes thank you it was Rabbi Kessin who said that, also someone else I can't remember.
CS I had to google Hanhagat haYichud, and came up with this interesting item:
https://outorah.org/p/128461/
"Hanhagat hayichud (G-d relating to us in terms of the unification of His Name) refers to the fact that everything in history is to bring about the goal of yichud Hashem. This fact is not just a response to our actions but is also bringing the world to its ultimate perfection."
It's a good article, thanks for bringing up this idea, I think you're probably right.
Thanks for the link Joshua, I love that website.
Here it is for anyone who missed it https://www.yeshiva.org.il/midrash/390
G-D will appear, in many ways, as contradictory. The inclination to say “this doesn't make any sense” will be prevalent. A Jew is apt to ask, “Why would the Ribono Shel Olam do this?” That's exactly what's happening. We learn to accept the contradictions and realize that its purpose is known only to G-D and that, in the end, it all serves to accomplish the tikkun so one must have bitachon.
- Rabbi Mendel Kessin, Weekly Hashkafa Shiur #113
Devorah, read Likutei Mohoran 260. It explains why large numbers of Jews sometimes have to die al kiddish Hash-m. The morning of the pogrom, between running to the miklat, a family member opened Likutei Mohoran at "random" and it opened to Torah 260. We didn't want to believe that it was connected, but then we found out this is exactly what happened. This has happened over and over again to the Jewish People, and the Jewish People still thrives and clings to our Creator. Is this not proof of Hash-m's love for his People?
I also think the plan may have been for this to be much bigger, but Hash-m accepted our teshuva and limited it's scope in His great kindness...The people who died al kiddish Hash-m went straight to the Kisei HaKavod. I daven for the wounded, the bereaved and the captives, and for the entire Jewish People. Moshiach should come soon and we will be like dreamers...all will be healed and made whole. TC
Thanks TC I'm reading it now
https://www.sefaria.org/Likutei_Moharan.260.1.3?lang=bi
Dear devorah, I’ve been reading your blog for many years… you have brought so much important information to so many. This post though brings even more, it highlights the struggle we all face at some points in our lives..some beautiful responses were given, and they are all good and true.
And still to sit with the unanswered questions is the passing of this test, I think. Hashem has blessed us with great tzadikim who have shared so much to help us to keep our Emuna in the face of darkness and evil… but the questions themselves can only be answered with the clarity if Geulah.
And so as you have give chizuk over the years to myself and so many, I hope the readers have given you the sense that you are certainly not alone with these thoughts and feelings and together we will hold them until Hashem brings His full light to give daas to us all. Keep holding on and doing the great avodas Hakodesh you are doing. One step at a time we’re closer than ever before. Looking forward to dancing with you and all the holy women when moshiach is revealed and Hashem brings us all home to Him.
Our mind’s ability to comprehend “reality” will greatly expand as the light of mashiach is revealed. Suffering will be less since we will begin to understand more and more why things happen and that absolutely everything down to the tiniest detail is from hashem himself. And most importantly, everything is good. All of the ancient forms of avoda zara were rooted in some sort of belief that hashem is not involved in the minute details—and so too today. The whole thing that has always set the jewish people apart is their belief in hashem’s intimate involvement in the world—as well as anything in creation. We are most definitely deep within this process right now. Based on what a number of tzaddikim are publicly saying right now, this will progress to a point where free choice will continue to diminish and people will be “forced” to return to hashem with all of their heart and soul. Hashem wants us.
https://tzaddikcenter.com/2014/06/18/the-secret-to-future-consciousness/
Thank you Michal Rus. I realize that everything that has ever happened to me in my life has brought me to this blog at the End of Days. Everything is so clear to me now, all the questions I had have been answered and I learn a lot from the comments. Thank you everyone for your comments.
Basically, I think the tests that we will have to pass is the 'birur', the separation. In other words, 'who is with Hashem'. We have to be on the right side, meaning the belief and trust
in the Almighty and against all the insanities that are now in vogue and have overtaken humanity. Trust only in H'. Ain Od Milvado!
H' knows we are in the lowest era since before the Flood. The same craziness, G-Dlessness that was in the era before the Mabul is taking place in these times. Those who are against the insanities will pass the test.
Post a Comment