Sunday, October 24, 2010

A Woman's Tears

Art: Sharon Tomlinson
Rabbi Chaim Vital, one of the great kabbalists, said, "A man's soul is judged in the next world according to how he treated his wife."

Rabbi Nachman of Breslov said, "If a man spends his rage on his wife, shames her, or raises his hand to her, God forbid, the Almighty will demand recompense of him."

A man has no right to ever hit or abuse his wife [see Rabbeinu Yonah, Sha'arei Teshuva 3:77]. In fact, millennia before any civilization or country in the Western world deemed raping one's wife a criminal act, Judaism did. Neither the Torah nor rabbinic literature permitted men to harm their wives emotionally or physically.

The Talmud says that God counts a woman's tears, and men are warned to make sure that they do not cause their wives pain [Baba Metzia 59].

A wife is the source of blessing for her husband; she is the vessel for the husband’s blessings and in her the blessings are found. To receive the special light a man must be married; to be complete and be one with his wife. Only in unity the light is revealed. When a wife is not in harmony with her husband, the next thing to go is his ability to receive the light, which adversely affects his health, wealth, and happiness.


Choni said...

Based on this when going out on a Shidduch date a women should never have to concern herself with, "How much the man is earning?"

As long as he'll be a peaceful husband, the needed blessings will arrive.

Anonymous said...

What is the "special light"?

Devorah said...

The special light is blessings in all areas of life. Basically....if the woman is happy, the man is happy too. But not necessarily the other way around.
A man needs to ensure his wife is happy, and everything will run a lot more smoothly.

1goodApple said...

Does this include men that are not Jewish? I mean I am not, nor is my husband...but I like this particular teaching a lot...:)

Devorah said...

Yes, it includes everyone.

N.S said...

So, Devorah, if a husband demeans or slanders his wife, and his family encourages this even though no wrong has been done to them, should a wife stay with such a husband? If he can never receive blessings because of his behavior how can life ever be good for either? And what consequence is there for a man's family if they set the example for his behavior?

Devorah said...

The behaviour you describe is abuse. Verbal abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse. The wife should definitely take steps to get away from such a relationship, or find a good therapist who can advise her how to deal with such a situation. It's certainly upsetting for children to witness a father abusing a mother, even if it's just verbal abuse, it has a lasting affect on them.

Devorah said...

There is an excellent book by Rabbi Abraham Twerski: ''The Shame Borne in Silence''. It contains a lot of information on how to deal with this issue.