Ever since I heard Rabbi Kessin's Power of Speech I have been on guard for things I may say that could be considered Lashon Hara. It is quite astounding [to use Rabbi Kessin's word] how many times we inadvertently say things that fall into this category, and generally we don't realize it. But.... once you start focussing on it, it becomes quite painful to hear yourself speaking!
I can't over-estimate the insights gained from that shiur. And please don't think it's just another boring lecture about watching your words, because it is actually a mind-blowing lesson in how the judgments of the world are handed down. If you haven't listened to it, do yourself a favour, it will change your life, in so many ways, and you and your family will reap the rewards.
On this topic, here are a couple of instances of what NOT to say:
I can't over-estimate the insights gained from that shiur. And please don't think it's just another boring lecture about watching your words, because it is actually a mind-blowing lesson in how the judgments of the world are handed down. If you haven't listened to it, do yourself a favour, it will change your life, in so many ways, and you and your family will reap the rewards.
On this topic, here are a couple of instances of what NOT to say:
Know as well that in regard to the prohibition against rechilut [talebearing], it makes no difference if we tell Reuven what So-and-so said about him, or if we tell Reuven’s wife or relatives what So-and-so said about him. In either case, they will certainly be upset, and they will resent So-and-so as a result. Hence even if we have warned them not to tell anyone, it is still considered rechilut.
If Levi tells Reuven something negative about Shimon, and Reuven then goes and tells it to Shimon (thus breaking the prohibition against Rechilut [talebearing]), Shimon is forbidden to ask Levi: “Why did you say that about me?” In doing so, Shimon would be speaking Rechilut about Reuven. Even if he does not say that he heard it from Reuven, if it is easy to deduce that fact, then it is forbidden.
Source: Chofetz Chaim