Sunday, May 14, 2023

The Secret of Pain: Why My Soul Chose ABUSE

Rabbi Y. Y. Jacobson


Your soul is so pure, and it said "I'm gonna go into this place -  and in order to go into this place, I can't remain in heaven. 

It's not only I have to go down, I have to become entangled = I have to become enmeshed. 

I have to allow myself  to become, so to speak, a victim - in order to be able to be inside that space."

And at that moment you have to know that the soul itself was never contaminated, never!  
It can't be.

But there are Souls that sign up for this journey and it seems like an incredibly painful journey -
because it is.

But really what's happening here is that these are the souls that destroy the impurity in the world, and the impurity in the community, and the impurity on the planet.

These are the souls.

It's a lot of courage.

You have to give yourself credit.

The neshama [soul] signed up for this.

People can suffer their whole life because of things that happened [to them], and they don't give themselves credit. 

Your neshama said "Ribono shel Olam.... I'll go there"

The tragedy is that you don't know you signed up for it and you blame yourself and you think you're evil.

But the truth is the exact opposite.


49 comments:

Anonymous said...

The best tool to get rid of klipot is to read 5 pages daily of Zohar Hadash ( This works for Jews only, I suggest not to try for Gentles. It can damage you that you will become absolutely delusional). I got that advise from the Gabai of David Abuhatzira Shlita when I came to him to get Braha. BH it is working for me , I feel the difference.


—Moshe

Chaim said...

This sounds like me. My life is so painful almost every day. I can’t stand the filth and immorality out there. It’s very painful to be anywhere around it when being on the street or even a supermarket. I’m filled with spiritual and physical pain with a sensitive neshama. I feel that I just can’t wait until my neshama returns back to Gan Eden. Unless…Moshiach comes soon enough. Please Hashem.

Anonymous said...

I am not a Kabalist but I can tell you your root of Neshama is high. Hashem loves you and that is why you are feeling so much pain. He wants you to clean you here in this Asiya World in order to get straight complete to your place in the next World , the World HaEmet.
I was in that pain too may be worse than yours. I felt completely Gehinom on Earth for about 2 years. I had thoughts to kill myself , then I realized that Satan is working very hard because I reached a certain level of Kedusha and Hashem is wants me to go even higher and I did not give up. It was completely hard for me to do Mitsvot and even to pray to Hashem but I did it even though it was very hard. I started to go to Mikva every day, say Tikkun Klali, and accept on me more Mitsvot and of course to read 5 pages of Zohar Hadash every day. BH now I am back to normal life and I wish you the same Haim. Do not give up, you can do it too.

—Moshe

Chaim said...

That was very supportive of you. I greatly appreciate it. I just don’t like the idea of suffering to die and go to Gan Eden. Why not the possibility that Moshiach will come today and my neshama and guf will no longer be in pain? The ultimate is Moshiach’s arrival. Gan Eden is just a temporary place until techiyas hameisim for all those there. Did reading the zohar hadash every day cure your physical illnesses as well? I don’t know Hebrew and wouldn’t be able to learn 5 pages every day on my own. Maybe that was a special formula for you that Rav Abuchatzeira gave you. I never heard him telling it to everyone in pain.

Anonymous said...

So please tell

So please Annonymous at May 14, 2023 at 8:54 AM, or anyone else...
What should a Gentile do??

Afer all a lot of us whom you call 'gentiles' are leaving their religions, to follow the one and only Creator.

Hashem did also create us. I am sure we are very beloved to Him.

Even though a lot of Jews hate us with extreme hate. I know, because i read...



Annonymous

Anonymous said...

Haim, if you live in EY go get brahot from our Tsaddikim and also from Yanuka. I think he will be available next time on Rosh Hodesh Sivan after 7 PM in his Shul. Also , go to Kotel and cry there to get help from Hashem. All prayers are accepted at the Kotel.
If you live in Diaspora then do Idbodedut and cry to Hashem , He will definitely help you. The only thing only Hashem knows how long does it take

—Moshe

Devorah said...

Anon 1:21, it's a very good question and I don't have the answer. Maybe you can leave a comment on Rabbi Jacobson's site and ask him there: https://theyeshiva.net/jewish/8986/chassidus-derech-mitzvosecha-kohen-baal-mum-4-thursday-class-seeing-your-pain-from-your-souls-perspective

Anonymous said...

I don’t know what you read but it is absolutely the opposite. We do not hate anyone , they hate us because we are the Choosen Nation. For your question I do not have the answer what should you do. Just try to love every person and do kind things I guess.

—Moshe

Chana said...

Did Rabbi YY Jacobson provide a source to which Sefer discusses this topic of there being Very Holy Neshamos that choose to down come to this world and suffer?

Devorah said...

Yes Chana, he's quoting the Tzemach Tzedek.

Chana said...

If anyone can please provide a link to this teaching of the tzemach tzedek’s teaching, it would be very helpful. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Just yesterday I was telling my husband… I must have done something so terrible to some of the people in my life … that are a bit difficult… and was sent back now to correct it… sometimes it gets overwhelming…

Give up??? NO!! … but was approaching asking HaShem to … please … please take some of the difficulty away… and bring Moshiach so that we will walk in the cool of the day with Him once again…

Leah said...

Yes, when we come down to this world, Olam HaZeh, we verbally agree to fulfill this mission here on earth. If we do not agree, we don't get this mission. We fulfill another mission. Again, we must agree to it.
Anavim, humble ones, are the ones with some of the most elevated souls. They agreed to what many of us would never agree to- to come down to this world and endure pain. Their elevated place in the world to come is envious. On one hand, we don't wish for his. On the other hand, it is remarkable.
Please Hashem, send Moshiach speedily and soon.

Anonymous said...

He did not tell me, his Gabbai told me. In order to cure your physical illness you should be cured your Nefesh first which cause your physical illness. Also, read Musar as much as you can. Hovot Halevivot , Orhot Tsaddikim, Tomer Devora ....I believe you can get them in your native language. Work on your midot, this is what we came here , to perfect ourselves .

—Moshe

Devorah said...

Chana: first, listen to the shiur, I can't remember if he referenced the Sefer. Isuggest you go to Rabbi Jacobson's site, there may be more information there.

https://theyeshiva.net/jewish/8986/chassidus-derech-mitzvosecha-kohen-baal-mum-4-thursday-class-seeing-your-pain-from-your-souls-perspective

Devorah said...

Anon unpublished, please email me, some of the things you wrote were a bit unkind. Some of the things you wrote were mis-understood by you and I want to give you the real explanation.

Devorah said...

Anon Noahide: if you follow Hashem, then you are connected to Hashem. All of the above applies to you as well.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Devorah,

I will follow and ask\talk to Hashem. (i do that already, but then when i read some comments of Jewish blogs, who speak against 'goyim'. i get hurt, as i am human too, get confused too, and sometimes think i maybe utterly wrong.

Still, i know Hashem loves all of His Creation, may i learn to just look to Hashem, and stop reading comments.

Rabbi Jacobson, i love as many times he has spoken so much truth. Told it (things that is), as it is or was.

May Hashem help all who are trying to hold on to sanity and help from the Creator, in this world gone so bad.
Feel so sad, especially for the children everywhere,

I so want to do the right thing for what Hashem sent me down here as 'goyim',

I believe in Hashem and i await the coming of the true Mashaich, the real Jewish one, no other.


Thanks Devorah, may Hashem continue to bless you. Amen and Amen.

annoymous

Devorah said...

Maybe you shouldn't be reading some of those blogs.

The term "goyim" means "nations".
You should be aware there are different levels of "goyim".

Firstly there are righteous goyim, Bnei Noach or Noahides, righteous gentiles, and these people are not necessarily included when they say things like the goyim will do this or that after Moshiach comes.

I am not confident enough on this topic to write anymore, but you can rest assured that as a righteous gentile, you are already in a different class to other goyim.

Anonymous said...

Todah!!

:))

Anonymous said...

U can do the 7 mitzvos of noach which non Jews r required to do. And u will be fully rewarded in the afterlife

Anonymous said...

•• Rabbi David Abuhatzira Shlita

—Moshe

Anonymous said...

I read that all Jews will have some form of suffering for chevlei moshiach no matter how good they r. The only thing that I read will take it away or lessen it is eatting the third meal on SHABBOS and washing for bread at that time. Malky

Anonymous said...

This subject is fraught and has to be handled extremely carefully. I can totally see the message from this video being twisted by abusers to justify what they have done/are doing. The response will be that there is always someone who will misunderstand, but this subject is much too serious and sensitive to take chances with.

In the same vein, every neshama chose its tribulations of whatever variety, but that is not what we tell a person who is suffering. Also, whilst we always need to daven, but just as a person who is physically sick needs to see a specialist doctor for their ailment, anyone who has suffered abuse needs to see a specialist therapist, and needs a lot of love and support. Personally, I don't think that telling someone that the abuse they suffered contributed to purifying the world is helpful to them. The opposite.

The response to my comment will be about what Rav Jacobson meant and his obviously good intentions. We also have to think about how information will be received by both the abused and the abuser.

L.L.

Anonymous said...

To the anon who said that Jews hate 'what we call gentiles', etc. Is there any projection going on? You do know that Jews have suffered for thousands of years at the hands of, I don't even know what word to use if gentile doesn't pass muster, and that antisemitism is at record highs all over the world. And when they're not trying to kill us, they're trying to convert us. We are a tiny people, vastly outnumbered, that has suffered greatly, so please try to be a bit more understanding of Jews who may be wary of the other, and maybe you could place the blame where it belongs.

If you are interested you can reach out to orthodox (not new age etc) rabbis who help Bnei Noach. You will receive a warm welcome.

L.L.

Anonymous said...

And to eat fish three times on Shabbos.

Anonymous said...

To the anon at 2.30, I don't think that it is helpful to focus on past gilgulim. We are here now in this one, and if a person is suffering in the here and now, they are deserving of compassion. We don't even know for sure the reasons for our suffering. It may have nothing to do with our actions, past or present. The important thing is to connect to Hashem now and as you say ask Him to relieve us of it.

When we say the morning brachot it is helpful to say with kavana, find grace and kindness in the eyes of Hashem and humans, and also the closing part, to be saved from a bad neighbour,....the hatred of the creation etc. If I remember correctly, Rav Mizrachi said this.

L.L.

Anonymous said...

I personally find it comforting and empowering to understand that our neshama agreed to the life we lead...Nothing is random. Hash-m is always with us.

Anonymous said...

But of course each of us has free will to choose between good and bad in this world. Each person is responsible for his actions.

Anonymous said...

LL. I am a survivor of abuse. I think it is important you know that Rabbi Jacobson is the go-to rabbi for abuse victims. He speaks for us, and to console us and help us. I found this shiur to be extremely helpful. I have always sought reasons for my situation and have very low self esteem and this shiur gave me back soem of my lost esteem. I think its more important for abuse victims to hear it than to worry that abusers will use it as another weapon. We need to hear these things from Rabbi Jacobson. We really need it. All abuse survivors need it and those who are still victims need to find strength to get away and information such as this can give them strength as it gives them back their self respect in a way.

lisa said...

anonymous at 8;53...i agree. i am the victim of abuse. a father that beat me, called me names - only me and not my siblings. this abuse led into adulthood - public shaming, manipulative behavior. my father was also a drug addict - in and out of drug centers starting when I was 28. he is in his 80s now, and i don't have a moment of peace with him. it is non stop chaos. i had to distance myself from him and turn him over to my sister to take care. God forgive me.

Anonymous said...

I've been a many-decades victim of both metaphysical and mazal abuse. (I.E. evil physical health and evil genetics and evil timing and evil environmental situation and never-ending judgmentalism throughout it all, no matter the stupid kind or the elitist kind).

R'Jacobson absolutely cannot relate to my situation. Nobody in his pious world can relate to my situation. Nor can victims of sexual/or/physical abuse. Nor can Holocaust survivors or Vietnam & Gulf Vets. There reached a point about 15-20 years ago that I deliberately rebelled (big time) against the concept of suffering, even IF i might be a "korban". Ever since then, I've been relegated to the side of the klipot, like so much flotsam and jetsam. And I'm still suffering severe physical pain bodywide (painfully-calcified, and painfully-inflamed body-parts.) True repaircare has been suppressed by evil globalists for decades. Among which is quantum-physics diagnostics, then precision-surgery followed up by energy-activated stem-cells. Or more-recently, a non-coopted version of Med-Beds. Or eesystem centers.

Thus I relate to none of the pious comments on this posting. Because not one person within the pious world ever helped me in a way that resolved my overall situation. Quite the opposite, I wouldn't have become the basket case which I am now, if not for having been foisted into my particular FFB life. I should add, that there have been wonderful people here and there who have helped and been kind at various times. But true overall resolutions? Nada. I mostly had to help myself. And i've also learned that too many authorities and organizations within this world are mere figure-heads.
Anon (not signing)

Anonymous said...

I heard once lecture about Gehinom of rabbi Yearon Reuven and then it was clear for me that all the sufferings in this world is nothing to compare in the Gehinom there. Imagine , All the Yov’s suffering for all his life is nothing to compare like burning there for 1 hour. So it is a big favore to be clean here rather there.
Of course we want it less be painful and then we need to use tools Hashem gave us.
Rav Shalom Arush Shlita said 1 hour Idvodedut a day is very powerful tool to be answered. He said : Pick one problem you have and thank Hashem for that problem for 15-30 minutes, then the rest time ask Hashem to have Mercy on you.
I highly recommend all of his books to read.
Unfortunately we did not chose to come here , we forced to be here to fix what we need to fix. But ones it fixed then no more sufferings. You will start to see only Good in everything and be excited all the time because Hashem is everywhere .

—Moshe

Anonymous said...

I am telling you guys, I was experienced Gehinom on Earth and realized that only Hashem can help. Use the toolsI listed above, it help me and Gd willing will help you too.

—Moshe

Anonymous said...

Tragically, there are millions of victims of abuse, especially childhood abuse. Everyone is a world unto themselves: their capabilities, their resilience, the extent of their suffering and the extent of the support they received. If some find solace in Rabbi Jacobson's words I am happy for them, but it is not one size fits all.

Bruno Bettelheim, himself a Shoah survivor, and a psychologist, wrote something along the lines that the trauma of an abused child can be worse than that of a Shoah survivor, as the former have never known a place of safety during their developmental years. Thus they don't have that mental and emotional safety that a healthy childhood provides, to take refuge in, in later years. Developmental trauma is a fairly new area of research, but it is know that it literally changes the brain physically. It is very hard for people who have not experienced it or are not experts in the field to understand that.

The most helpful thing I ever heard about kibud av ve'am, was that it is a mitzva on the parent too. It is for them to create an atmosphere of kavod in the home. Halachically, one is allowed to distance oneself from an abusive parent. It's best to consult with a sympathetic rav who knows you personally, when making the decision. In any case, the person who needs forgiveness from Hashem is the abuser, not the abused.

L.L.


Anonymous said...



For those who might have missed this excellent lecture, here it is, God help all peoples of the world... Amen v'Amen..

https://shiratdevorah.blogspot.com/2015/09/seeking-forgiveness-from-abused.html

Anonymous said...

To Anonymous 12:46am
The 2015 vid. you posted of R'Jacobson is awesome in its compassion. I'm objective enough to acknowledge that, even if he (and every other pious authority) can't necessarily relate to unique/other types of life-abuses, which turn people cold, unspontaneous and untrusting (even if not atheistic)... The reason for the latter, is because of having observed and read about the plethora of positive experiences/and/timing which fell into place for =others= who are among the charmed circle.

Devorah said...

The Tzemach Tzedek says some souls sign up to go into those places [of abuse] only for one reason: so you will be able to kill it. [from 56:30 in the video]

Anonymous said...

This lecture is excellent thank you!

Anonymous said...

The non-jew who posted here, yes G-d must love you because he showed you the truth. When all know the truth G-d's name will be one and the world will be perfected.

lisa said...

L.L...Thank you for your comment.

Yakov said...

Does this mean that these souls HAVE to suffer until they are niftar or until Moshiach arrives? Or, these souls can suffer part of their lives and then things can turn around? It’s very discouraging since I am confident I am one of these souls. I do know Moshiach is very close but don’t want to suffer a day more if He doesn’t come today.

Anonymous said...

Not everyone has real ‘choice’. Some have not the intelligence, knowledge, experience, or physical capacity to always make the right, or even the ‘best’ in the circumstances that obtain at the time. Not all bad/wrong choices are made with malign intent.

Anonymous said...

To Yakov, you say you are one of these souls. If you are implying that you have suffered abuse, then you can work on yourself and change some things. It;s not easy and it takes time. However in my experience I have found that some things just don't go away. No matter how much you work on your esteem or character etc, you will probably always be sensitive to certain things. Those of us with sensitive souls have to suffer a lot in this world, and there is not much we can do about it. Maybe Hashem wants our tefillot, maybe it;s a learning experience, maybe its because of something that happened in another life or maybe we are indeed purifying the world. We don;t understand so much and there are a lot of us judging by comments here. So many people suffering today. Suffering for the geula to come and suffering in so many ways., I wish you a lot of chizzuk. Dina

Anonymous said...

Hello Devorah,

You wrote this,

'Devorah said...

Anon unpublished, please email me, some of the things you wrote were a bit unkind. Some of the things you wrote were mis-understood by you and I want to give you the real explanation.
May 14, 2023 at 2:35 PM '



and i think it is me you were addressing, i do not have your email address.


Is it any where on your blog.
Thanks,

and i am again lost .. and .. no i do not want to complain, Just need some advice from you, as you know so much how to help many.
anon.

Anonymous said...

Another great tool is to remove judgments is to say Tikkun Hatson(for men only). Rabbi Yosef Karo in the Shulhan Arukh (Orah Haim , section 1, paragraph 3): It is appropriate for every Gd fearing Jew to be sorrowful and concerned over the Destruction of Bet Hamikdash. Our teacher Arizal wrote that time for this is from midnight until shortly before daybreak. Therefore should you go and sit at the entrance near the Mezuza , which is esoteric secret of the Shechina, the Heavenly opening and remove your shoes and sit barefoot and wrap your head like a mourner and cry a great deal in keeping with your strength and take burnt ashes and put on your forehead in the place where Tefillin are worn. It is better not to sit directly on the ground. Instead, one should sit on something that will intervene between himself and the floor.
Then we say Patah Eliyahu then recommended study Torah at night. Arizal said that study Torah at night has many merits. Our Sages , of blessed memory said (Shemot Rabba 47:5) The song of Torah is heard only at night as is written (Echah, ch2 verse 19) Arise and sing at night. And they also said ( Hagiga, page 12b) one who engages in Torah at night, the Holy One blessed is He draws a thread of grace upon him by day , as written (Psalms , chapter 42, verse 9) By day Gd will command His grace . Why will Gd command His grace by day? Because At night His song is with me.

—Moshe

Anonymous said...

When I saw 49 comments under this title and this is the 50 th comment then first thing came to my mind is letter נ(Nun) . I am going to tell you the secret now and that you can enjoy and understand s lit bit what we are capable to achieve and of course to bring Nahat Ruah to AKadosh Baruhu.
The first to arrive at the Synagogue should say the verse (Proverbs chapter 8 verse 17) “I love those who love Me, and those who seek Me will find Me.”
The esoteric significance behind this is found in the Zohar on Parashst Teruma (page 131 side a) “Come and see, that first on in the synagogue is fortunate, for he is on the level of a Tsaddik with the Divine Presence. And this is the secret of those who seek Me will find Me. It is the one who ascends the highest level.
The Xohsr discusses this issue further at great length. It is possible that this is the secret of the extra Nun in the spelling of the Hebrew word for “will find Me.” (ימצאנני), which is known to allude to the fifty Gates of Eisdom from which a righteous individual is influenced.

—Moshe

Devorah said...

New shiur from fRabbi Jacobson - How To Heal from Abuse
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JimYEzM6WCg

Anonymous said...

• The Zohar
•fifty Gates of Wisdom